Why does this always happen to me. I mean, I find a guy that I think is cool as hell and he slowly but surely begins to show me that he's nuttier than squirrel shit.
First it was the random phone calls at 3 AM. WTF mofo? I constantly tell people about my busy schedule and how I love my rest, and this random dude who I haven't even gone out with yet, decides to call me during a good ass dream. OOOOHHHHHH don't you hate that? When you wake up in the middle of a good ass dream! I mean you’re just about to find out who or what that strange shadow is, or what's at the end of that long tunnel you've been running through, then BAM! You're awakened by:
• some random ass object hitting the floor
• a loud crack of thunder
• the bass from that slow creeper outside of your window
• a neighbor knocking on your door wanting to beg for something
• a gun shot
• your mutha%$#@!&* cell phone
Goodness I hate that. That night, something told me not to leave my phone on and not to put it under my pillow, but ever since I had a little incident back in 2008 (I'll get into it later) I have to keep my phone on, because what if someone needs me like I needed them (I said I'll talk about it later!).
That night I was dreaming I was in my dream world. I was floating on a cloud with a delicious steak dinner (medium) and a fantastically prepared white Russian across from my dream man (pick one) in a three piece suit. He was just leaning in to kiss me when my damn phone began to buzz under my pillow.
I freaked out, because I just knew it was one of my friends calling me with an emergency. Everyone who knows me personally knows don't call me after 11 PM. I looked at the phone, and I furiously rubbed my eyes. Why the hell is the DUDE calling me at 3 in the damn morning. I didn't answer. I quickly turned the phone off and tried to go to sleep. However, I did something that I promised myself that I would never do, I went to bed angry.
Oh yea I was pissed. Do any one of my Loyal Legion of 1 know how long it's been since I've had a steak dinner (medium)? It's been so damn long that this song plays when I think about it. I don't care if it was a dream, I wanted to live in that dream for the rest of my sleep. The moments I spent checking my phone and trying to get back to sleep are 45 mins I will never get back.
I woke up the next day still furious about what happened just a few hours earlier. So I texted him why he felt a need to text me at 3 AM, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE REPLIED? because i was up lol!
Oh a hee hee hell mofo! I know you ain't randomly call me up at no damn 3 AM while I was dreaming about my steak (medium) just so I can be your entertainment. What the hell? You better watch a Proactiv commercial and call it a night, cause I'm not the one.
Anyway he's texting me and I'm not responding because I really don't have anything to say, so he calls me. I answer. We're talking. I hear a noise in the background. I ask are you watching Barney? He says no my son is.
What???? Okay dude at what point during our two week conversational (is that a word? Well it is now!!!) exchange were you going to tell me that you had a son? Okay strike 3!
My jaw dropped just as the kid started to make some kind of kid noise and he had to get off the phone. He called me back 30 mins later, but I was away from my phone. When I saw that he called I asked myself, should I call him back. I honestly still haven't answered that question. I don't know if I should call him back, and yes it's because of the kid. I was willing to deal with the random goofiness, because we all deal with that at times, but a kid? But more important a kid that isn't mine. Oh hell no!
NEXT!!!
