No Dangerous Methods For Me

First of all I would like to say: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

Seriously! For why can't things ever go my way for once? It's seriously like the gods of good times look down on me and laugh their asses off whenever I attempt to have just that.

For two weeks life has sucked for me. I reallyed need a pick me up, so I decided to check out what was going on with the Chicago International Film Festival. Ever since I moved back to Chicago, it had always been my intention to attend the film festival, but for some reason I was never able to go. So instead of waiting on people to go with me, I went on my own to go pick up tickets for Monday night's viewing of A Dangerous Method. I've mentioned before that I really wanted to see this movie. When I saw this I can honestly say this was the first time I smiled in two weeks. I felt lucky!

However, it was very unlucky for me that I was driving downtown right after work and couldn't find anywhere to park, so I had to park in the venue's expensive ass parking lot: $12 FOR 30 MINUTES! I reasoned by telling myself it was for a good cause. A Dangerous Method? Cronenberg, Mortensen, and Fassbender in one movie? I would have paid anything my account would have allowed me to pay on those tickets.

Alright, so here's what happened: I go to the venue, find the right line to purchase the tickets, tell the cashier what I want to see, when I want to see it, and how many people were coming with me (I was forcing my two of my favorite companions to see what I'm sure is a quality flick), and the cashier (in his  douchiest nicest possible voice) tells me that the show is all sold out. I freak out and tell him to check again. I know it was one of the most anticipated shows at the film festival, but I don't believe in "no", so I told him to check again. He did. There weren't anymore tickets available, and I swear that was the longest walk back to my car. I had my head down, arms swinging, and that lump in my throat started to get tighter and tighter. I was thisclose to crying. Then it dawned on me: I JUST SPENT $12 FOR 5 MINUTES OF PARKING...no fair!

Oh well! I know I'll see it eventually...

Millionaire Matchmaker

I love this show. I don't know what it is about this woman, but I hope to be her one day. She once said that she's hard and tough on her clients or they would walk all over her. I don't know how anyone could look at her and think she's someone to be walked all over. I'm pretty sure she could knock me out with her left boob, but hey in Hollywood you never know. And why the left one? I don't know, just go with it.


On this Dr. Martin Luther (THE) King Jr. Day, Bravo is showing a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon. I've been waiting for this moment since last month. However, there is a dilemma. There is also a Golden Girls marathon going on.


UGH! Dear Lord Baby Jesus! Why would you do this to me?


Anyway, I think what really gets me is this. Why would anyone want to be a matchmaker? I always end up feeling like a turd floating in Lake Michigan whenever I'm asked to hook up one of my friends. Okay analogy meaning: I feel stuck in the middle. Seriously, there is only one of two things that could happen:

1) They don't work out and your friends never talk to you again.

2) They work out and now you're invited to the wedding and now you're the one credited with hooking them up and now other desperate females ask you to hook them up...

I'm not speaking from experience or anything...I'm just saying. 

Apparently for Patti (that's the-chick-with-the-violent-left-boob's name) comes from a long line of match makers. Her family has been getting crazy paid to hook up lonely or unfortunate looking people for generations. Not a bad job, but the show shows just how stressful it all could be (refer to #1).

I love watching the drama. I latched onto the this after The Real Housewives of New Jersey (AKA: Prostitution Whooooooooooores!!!) went off the air. That hot bitch Patti has to keep my attention on Bravo because that's clearly where it's at. 

The dumb ass men make the show too. They all basically think they have it made. Money and good looks (insert: eye roll). I just love the fact that they hire Patti, thinking she's only going to provide the poon tang and stay out of it. However, they forget one important thing, and yes I'm about to use my cap button...just remember I'm not yelling at you: YOU HIRED PATTI BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET THE POON! moron.

These guys actually have the audacity to argue, name call, and get really upset with Patti when she coaches them for their dates.  I laugh every time. I mean if these guys really had what it took why don't they just go to craigslist and search the personals? Plenty of poon. It may be tainted, but hey you get what you ask for.