Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'm almost sure I'm a threat to society

People who know me, little ol' me, know that I'm not at all violent. I have my moments, but I'm no one to make you want to cross the street. However, after one night of partying with a group of friends I headed home. I'll always be the first to admit what I did wrong, and in this case it was speeding. I put the pedal to the metal and put Anne to shame all the way home. As I approached my home, I didn't use a turn signal or stop the appropriate amount of time at a stop sign. Right as I pulled into my parking space, I noticed a car barring down on me with flashing lights. Since I was already parked I proceeded to get out of the car, and that's when a lady cop pulled whatever piece of shit steel she had and told me to get back in the car. I wasn't really in the mood to get shot, so I did. I had to leave the door open since my window, at the time, was broken.

The lady cop adjusted herself, which was beyond odd, and asked me for my licence and proof of insurance. I did what she asked and waited for her reason for pulling me over although I was already pulled over. The "lady" cop told me that I blew a stop sign. Well duh! I already knew that. Then she asked me if I had anything to drink. I told her no, since drinking and driving isn't only the dumbest thing a person could do, but it's also illegal. She looked at me close, and flashed a bright ass light in my eye and asked me why my eyes were red. I'm pretty sure at that moment my entire face was red, but my eyes were red because it was 4 in the morning and I still had my contacts in. The dumbass lady cop finally looked at the address on my license and said, oh you live here? I nodded. I could see that she felt kinda dumb about "pulling" someone over that was already home. I laughed and she handed me back my info and that's when she pulled out her nightstick and pointed it at me. Waving it back and forth telling me that I think I'm cute (correction bish I know I am), and that I need to watch out cause she'll be watching me. She put her stick up and left.

I'm pretty sure she wanted to stick that stick up my peach. Okay that's a little vulgar, but come on this is a "lady" cop. I'm sure she couldn't wait to do a body search. I'm pretty sure I was moments away from adult molestation right before the dude chick realized I was at home. If she had tried to pull that little trick I would have screamed bloody murder. I'm sure no one would have come to my rescue, but it would have rattled her a little bit.

After the cops left and I entered my home, while I was getting ready for bed I thought about my experience. I really started to get pissed off. Here I am getting bothered by some lame ass cop while there was probably someone getting mugged, raped, or murdered. NO NO NO, that couldn't be because I'm a threat. I'm number 5 on the most wanted list. I run stop signs! All 5'2'' and 110 lbs of me will blow up the world with all the stop signs I ran. GTFOOHWTBS!

This one night inspired me to say three little words that I had never uttered before. I've never said it publicly, but I do tend to mumble it under my breath every once in a while, but forget what people say, and forget the cops in my family. I'm saying it: FUCK THE PO'LICE!