I couldn't think of a post title...

That Jane Eyre book was so freaking boring that I picked up another one. I'm kinda upset, because I thought that I would be able to actually sit down and get all intellectual, but forget that mess. That book is all kinds of over my head. Do I believe myself to be dumb? Nope! I believe the book to be full of unnecessary nothings about a schizo child in old school England. I'll just have to wait for the movie and figure things out then.

I'm currently re-reading The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. I had the opportunity to read it before, but didn't . I'm not sure what happened, but when I was given the chance to read it again; I jumped at it. So far it's really good. I haven't been confused by anything yet. However, my only complaint is why in the hell are the chapters so freaking long? I swear each chapter is about 50 pages of the main character Ruth complaining about her living arrangements. Okay...Let's speed thing up Amy!

Other than reading books, I recently met a guy "Gordon". Well actually, I've kinda known Gordon for a while. He's a friend of a friend and I spent NYE with him. He is very sweet. I'm not sure where this is going, but so far it feels right. Although Gordon is not "Howard", I'm very comfortable and happy at the moment. 

Speaking of Howard, he's still in the picture. I hadn't spoken to or seen him in a while, but then there was yesterday. I had no idea what would happen when I saw him, but I didn't expect what happened to happen.  What happened between us (nothing private just weird and awkward), will stay between us. I'll just say I'm not sure what's going on.

I was a little concerned about what was going on with me talking to two different men at once, but when I put into consideration that I'm not sleeping with anyone, It's not very serious (yet), or that I'm not married; I no longer found anything wrong with the situation. It's innocent.

I'll continue to do what I'm doing until I make up my mind. Hopefully, it will happen before I finish reading my book...I'm only on chapter 2.

It's A Blizzard!

So I decided to post. Why not? I haven't done it in a while, so let's get going:

I mentioned before that I went off on someone. Let me just say that I don't normally go off on people. I like to laugh at people who try to upset me, but this one particular person, who decided to test me, had it coming. It's a co-worker of mine, and before you all think that it's some young woman with no home training realize that this person is a grown-ass woman with two children of her own. I believe her to be a menopausal woman of at least 50.

Apparently she believes that I have been mean to her in the past few months. I don't think I have, and here's why: THIS BITCH HAS SNAPPED AT ME FOR THE DUMBEST REASON AND I HAVE YET TO SAY ANYTHING BACK TO HER...until recently.

I don't know what it is about me that attracts the crazy (as I have said before) but these mofos keep coming around like ants to a can of grape pop. I wish they would go away because they are ALWAYS fucking up my chi. 

I don't want to go into detail of what was said and done, but just know that she is now a person I no longer want to speak to or be around. However, I will go over what I don't like about her:

I hang out with people my age, because why the hell would I want to hang out with a 50 year old menopausal chick when it is my personal opinion that this woman should be at home taking care of her two teenage children. I don't like people who run away from responsibility (edit: LOL! look at the pot calling the kettle black) and she is someone who definitely someone who does the latter.

After a long day at work (and directing people to the fucking X-Mas shop for the 100th time) some co-workers and I like to go out for a beer after work...why does this menopausal chick like to tag along with us. I don't mind a group. The more the merrier! However, the more needs to be in fact merrier for me to enjoy myself. Another thing I don't like is a self-centered and self-loathing menopausal chick. When there is nothing to talk about other than your weight gain and lack of dick action...that's when it's time to put down the beer and ask for the check.

I swear this chick asks me every damn day how much I weigh...I don't want to talk about my short stint with veganism with you, and no! I don't care that you slept with a man you believe to be gay. That makes you the fool who won't stop talking about your issues and me the ear...I don't want to be her ear! I would rather hear my grandfather talk about his green toenail than hear this chick's voice.

OH THE VOICE! It's very loud and sounds like it has been deepened by smoking, drinking, and crying. It's unbearable! I'm embarrassed every time she's around me.

AHHHHHHHHH! I can go on and on about how I don't like her, but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. She is who she is and you can't change an old bitch. However, I can stay the hell away from her until I calm down about the situation, because yes I'm still a little heated and every time I see her I want to give her a paper cut. SO VIOLENT!

Back from Cali!

Back from Cali and I had to have a day of rest. WOOOOO! I didn't know that sleep was so important until my last full day in Cali. I barely slept before the trip and I felt the major lack of it on the last day. A friend and I were walking on Santa Monica Pier and boom! I felt like passing out. SO the lesson of the day: Get at least 8 hours of sleep before any major traveling. 

Anywho, remember the guy I said was a real man? The one I pocket dialed on accident? Well UGH! What in the hell? I have seriously been talking to Patrick Bateman since January 2010 and didn't even know it. WOW! dude just flipped on me like some major wack job then tried to say that it was I. I basically asked him why he was acting so shady towards me and he said, and I quote, "I can't deal with this. This is too much. You are over analyzing everything!"

What? How can one over analyze if there is nothing there to analyze. And I must admit that I was a little awkward when I went to go see him, but give me a break it was technically our first meeting since the first time I met him in October of 2008. Bitch please! On to the next one. 

Besides dealing with crazy ass dudes, being sleep deprived, and going ridiculously broke, I must say that I had a good time in California. I ran into some speed bumps, but all is good, and I can't wait for my next trip. I'm planning on visiting my family in December and bringing in the new year with my friends. I really enjoyed myself and couldn't believe how hospitable my friends and family were to me and my friend. They are seriously the best!

The Hollywood Diet!

Okay now I know I just went on a little rant about myself, and how I need to get my sh*t together, but fug that. I love The Hills and it played a major part in my struggle this week. Did anyone else watch The Hills marathon all weekend? I swear I only left the house after the last episode of the day...Anyway, The Hills is in its final season and I plan on watching every last one of those God Awful episodes. Yes! I know I just contradicted my self, but you have to understand...people do that from time to time.

Anyway, this chick named Heidi...seriously? Who names their kid Heidi??? Whatever, so she got a head transplant or something, for why? I have no idea. I guess she thought it would upgrade her appearance when in reality it made her look like a wax figure of her old self. I read somewhere that she got a chin implant...really? I thought her chin was abnormal looking before but now! GOOD LAWD! Look at that thing, it's seriously so distracting. So distracting in fact that this chick can't eat! Seriously...this b*tch can't eat. Wow! Plastic surgery seems like so much fun!

I'm almost sure I'm a threat to society

People who know me, little ol' me, know that I'm not at all violent. I have my moments, but I'm no one to make you want to cross the street. However, after one night of partying with a group of friends I headed home. I'll always be the first to admit what I did wrong, and in this case it was speeding. I put the pedal to the metal and put Anne to shame all the way home. As I approached my home, I didn't use a turn signal or stop the appropriate amount of time at a stop sign. Right as I pulled into my parking space, I noticed a car barring down on me with flashing lights. Since I was already parked I proceeded to get out of the car, and that's when a lady cop pulled whatever piece of shit steel she had and told me to get back in the car. I wasn't really in the mood to get shot, so I did. I had to leave the door open since my window, at the time, was broken.

The lady cop adjusted herself, which was beyond odd, and asked me for my licence and proof of insurance. I did what she asked and waited for her reason for pulling me over although I was already pulled over. The "lady" cop told me that I blew a stop sign. Well duh! I already knew that. Then she asked me if I had anything to drink. I told her no, since drinking and driving isn't only the dumbest thing a person could do, but it's also illegal. She looked at me close, and flashed a bright ass light in my eye and asked me why my eyes were red. I'm pretty sure at that moment my entire face was red, but my eyes were red because it was 4 in the morning and I still had my contacts in. The dumbass lady cop finally looked at the address on my license and said, oh you live here? I nodded. I could see that she felt kinda dumb about "pulling" someone over that was already home. I laughed and she handed me back my info and that's when she pulled out her nightstick and pointed it at me. Waving it back and forth telling me that I think I'm cute (correction bish I know I am), and that I need to watch out cause she'll be watching me. She put her stick up and left.

I'm pretty sure she wanted to stick that stick up my peach. Okay that's a little vulgar, but come on this is a "lady" cop. I'm sure she couldn't wait to do a body search. I'm pretty sure I was moments away from adult molestation right before the dude chick realized I was at home. If she had tried to pull that little trick I would have screamed bloody murder. I'm sure no one would have come to my rescue, but it would have rattled her a little bit.

After the cops left and I entered my home, while I was getting ready for bed I thought about my experience. I really started to get pissed off. Here I am getting bothered by some lame ass cop while there was probably someone getting mugged, raped, or murdered. NO NO NO, that couldn't be because I'm a threat. I'm number 5 on the most wanted list. I run stop signs! All 5'2'' and 110 lbs of me will blow up the world with all the stop signs I ran. GTFOOHWTBS!

This one night inspired me to say three little words that I had never uttered before. I've never said it publicly, but I do tend to mumble it under my breath every once in a while, but forget what people say, and forget the cops in my family. I'm saying it: FUCK THE PO'LICE!

Millionaire Matchmaker

I love this show. I don't know what it is about this woman, but I hope to be her one day. She once said that she's hard and tough on her clients or they would walk all over her. I don't know how anyone could look at her and think she's someone to be walked all over. I'm pretty sure she could knock me out with her left boob, but hey in Hollywood you never know. And why the left one? I don't know, just go with it.


On this Dr. Martin Luther (THE) King Jr. Day, Bravo is showing a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon. I've been waiting for this moment since last month. However, there is a dilemma. There is also a Golden Girls marathon going on.


UGH! Dear Lord Baby Jesus! Why would you do this to me?


Anyway, I think what really gets me is this. Why would anyone want to be a matchmaker? I always end up feeling like a turd floating in Lake Michigan whenever I'm asked to hook up one of my friends. Okay analogy meaning: I feel stuck in the middle. Seriously, there is only one of two things that could happen:

1) They don't work out and your friends never talk to you again.

2) They work out and now you're invited to the wedding and now you're the one credited with hooking them up and now other desperate females ask you to hook them up...

I'm not speaking from experience or anything...I'm just saying. 

Apparently for Patti (that's the-chick-with-the-violent-left-boob's name) comes from a long line of match makers. Her family has been getting crazy paid to hook up lonely or unfortunate looking people for generations. Not a bad job, but the show shows just how stressful it all could be (refer to #1).

I love watching the drama. I latched onto the this after The Real Housewives of New Jersey (AKA: Prostitution Whooooooooooores!!!) went off the air. That hot bitch Patti has to keep my attention on Bravo because that's clearly where it's at. 

The dumb ass men make the show too. They all basically think they have it made. Money and good looks (insert: eye roll). I just love the fact that they hire Patti, thinking she's only going to provide the poon tang and stay out of it. However, they forget one important thing, and yes I'm about to use my cap button...just remember I'm not yelling at you: YOU HIRED PATTI BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET THE POON! moron.

These guys actually have the audacity to argue, name call, and get really upset with Patti when she coaches them for their dates.  I laugh every time. I mean if these guys really had what it took why don't they just go to craigslist and search the personals? Plenty of poon. It may be tainted, but hey you get what you ask for.