I'm Back!

And I'm guessing it's okay to say that, especially since I'm typing this.

A lot has changed since I last posted, some good and some bad. However, I will only focus on the good that came into my life. 

I have a boyfriend. FINALLY! after nearly two years of posting date after bad date I found him, and yes! I am in love. I honestly believe he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, especially since he came into my life during a time when I really needed something or someone to keep my mind away from the craziness I was going through. The past five months with him have truly been magical, and I can't wait to experience more with him. 

For the moment, I'll keep his name a secret. I have told him about my page, but I'm not sure how he feels about people he doesn't know knowing who he is. However, if I let you all know that his name starts with a "P" I'm sure he won't mind. Especially if I follow that sentence saying how wonderful, beautiful, talented, and funny he is. No he better not wouldn't mind at all!

I believe I mentioned before my hiatus that I started taking classes at Chicago's Second City Training Center. Well if I didn't, just know that I am, and at the moment I'm currently at the 4th level of the Writing program. The whole Second City class thing seems to confuse people so I'll break it down like this: 

• When you take classes at The Second City, you get to choose between the long list of classes that you want to take, and in my case I chose writing. It's what I'm good at and what I've always wanted to do, so writing it was. 
• You know how in high school and college years are broken into semesters, well that's kinda how The Second City is, it's broken down into 8 week semesters. 
• The Second City Training Center has 6 eight week semesters, and right now I'm in my 4th eight week semester, but instead of calling them semesters, their called levels. 
• So just to clarify: I AM IN WRITING LEVEL 4 AT THE SECOND CITY TRAINING CENTER. And it's fucking amazing. 

I really enjoy my classes, and the current group of people I work with. Their amazingly talented, and although it's hard to not get intimidated, I have to remind myself everyday that I'm doing this for a reason and that reason is to learn all that I can about the gift that I was given so I can compete with the best. And at the end of all of this, if I'm not the next Tina Fucking Fey...I'm shooting someone. No I'm NOT kidding. 

Like I said before, I'm not going to focus too much on the bad, but I just can't help but give an honorable mention to my piece of shit vehicle. It has broken down, once again, however this time it's just my muffler. I guess I'm okay with that being the only problem besides the other shit that's wrong with the car, but like I said I'm not going to focus on the negative. So I'm moving on. 

The other negative thing that got me down...Michael Fassbender is taken. Yes ladies my beloved man is officially off the market, but to be honest, I'm not worried. I know he will eventually come slinking back around me to tell me how beautiful I am. And if that doesn't happen, I'm sure Eric Northman will be single forever! But I'm joking of course, because I have my lovely Mr. "P".

Getting Ready For The Weekend...

Updates coming 10/17/2011

jacked from a fangbanger

Nirvana brings Merry Merry and Bobby Brown Together and Casey Affleck loves breasts

Although I'm no longer in LA, I still have friends who live there. Either they're all about their shit and are truly going to make it, or they're just slumming it up and living their life...kinda what I was doing, but I feel they are a little bit more dedicated since they still live there and I'm here in Chicago just working and L.I.V.I.N (click on the link if you have no idea what I'm talking about).

Anyway, I had to work for the past 8 days for a tired ass pay that's barely getting me by, but I take it. On the ride home from work two days ago, I received a phone call from a dearly missed LA friend. She's my favorite and something like my best friend that always has some sort of crazy story that makes the tired ass pay worth working for. I believe this story to be the best, in fact, she should stop telling me stories because it would ruin this one.

Merry Merry (yeah her name isn't really Merry) was at one of her boyfriend's shows in what's considered the boonies of California's Los Angeles County, The Valley. I'm not sure of the name of this particular place, but since she was in The Valley I'm sure it was something cheesy like The Spot or The Juke Joint. So her boyfriend plays his set and she's waiting for him and the other guy in the band to get their shit together and leave. She's waiting at the bar with another band girlfriend when this guy shows up. Merry Merry would talk to a plant if it approached her, so needless to say she began talking to this guy while the other band girlfriend stared in disbelief.

Clearly engrossed in the conversation, Merry Merry hadn't noticed that the other band girlfriend had left and told their boyfriends what Merry Merry had failed to realize: Merry Merry was talking to Bobby Brown! 

Yes THAT Bobby Brown! Whitney Houston's very own ORIGINAL KING OF R&B...yeah. I'm guessing she finally looked up and saw that it was The King. However, in true LA form she didn't freak out (like I would have) or ask him about his prerogative (or for an autograph), she just pretended that he was a regular dude at a bar.

Then came the WTF moment that nearly killed me: Merry Merry looked down and noticed that The Original King was wearing a pretty original Nirvana t-shirt. Being from Seattle, Merry Merry went into this mini-rant about how Seattle-ites are born and bred to love all things grunge, especially Nirvana. In this scenario, The King was wearing a Nirvana shirt that Merry Merry had never seen before, so she asked him where he got it from. The answer: Kurt Cobain.

Really dude? Really? 

But he didn't stop there, "Yeah, I went to see them in concert and got a chance to go backstage. Kurt had on this t-shit and I asked him could I have it. He just gave it to me."

How awesome is that? I mean really! How awesomely random is that? Merry Merry at some lame ass Valley bar, minding her own business, when Bobby Brown shows up and tells a ridiculous story about that time he stole a shirt from Kurt Cobain!

Want to know what's happened to me since I've been in Chicago? I was sitting at my desk at work when Casey Affleck walks his socially awkward ass past me after my eyes bugged because I clearly recognized him from that one movie. I'm sure I saw him staring at my boobs...Oh goddess I hate Merry Merry!

Yeah, I watched Cherrelle's Unsung on Labor Day

It's funny how I think of this song every time he calls me...

I’m Back and Beyonce is Pregnant

I’m sorry but I had to leave for a little while. However, I’m back!

I have received your emails and I would like to let you know that nothing has happened. I’ve just been crazy busy!

All this time I’ve been working! Working! Working! Like a crazy person to make things happened and it’s great to finally see everything come together.

I could cry! But I won’t cuz I’m no punk. So instead, I go shopping. And I can’t wait to wear my new boots!!!!!!!!!!

Another part of my happiness is Second City. I finally gathered up the courage to start taking classes at Second City. I’ve always wanted to go, but for some reason I never believed in my ability to write and was content with just working my bullshit job. Then one night I dreamed that I died. Nothing eventful happened in the dream. NO! My ass just died and I hadn’t done anything with my life that I was proud of. The very next day, I started looking at classes. All last minute and shit (typical me), majority of the classes that I wanted to take were filled, but I lucked up and found a class that would accommodate me and my current work schedule.

And of course I can’t go anywhere without finding a man to occupy my thoughts. This one is one of my classmates from my Second City writing class. I like him, but I don’t want to say too much because he might be reading this (he’s officially a part of the loyal legion!!!). However, I will say this, I’m having a lot of fun and it’s nice to be around him. It’s also great not to have to worry about what I’m saying or doing because he is just as silly as I am. It’s nice.

To wrap things up, I want to explain why I named this post I’m back and Beyonce is Pregnant! When I started writing this post, a tribute for Aaliyah was playing on BET. The day that I found out Aaliyah died was the same day I had tickets to go see Destiny’s Child in concert. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to go. It was officially a day of mourning. My idol was gone, but I went anyway. The entire time I was at the concert I thought about how I would have enjoyed watching Aaliyah on stage instead of that hollering Beyonce.

Is it just me or does this girl scream on every fucking song she sings. I swear it seems like if she's not screaming then she's forcing a whoa-whoa-whoaing lyric out. 

With Aaliyah, there was no hollering. She didn't even whoa-whoa-whoa. She simply sang. Then every once in a while she would let out a yeah-eeeee-yeahhhhhhh. Beautiful!

I don't know, but to me it's like Beyonce just does wayyyyyyy too much, yet not enough for me to like her. Don't get me wrong! I will bump a Beyonce song if I think it's hot. However, hot hardly comes and I'm always wondering about if Aaliyah was still alive would she even be relevant? 

Hell no!

photo jacked from Just Jared

St. Patty's 2011

...

I don't have much to say about this year's festivities. My time out in Wrigleyville was filled with a less than stellar time among drunk frat boys and their groupies. 

I definitely have to find another spot for future St. Patty's celebrations.

To tell you the truth, I forgot most of the goings ons of that night, and I'm glad. 

However, I do remember getting into a shoving matching with a drunk dude and his unfortunate looking dance partner. I don't care what anyone says, just because music is playing doesn't mean that it's okay to dance at the bar. That's what the dance floor is for!

I also remember the movie Stripes being played at one of my many bar stops of the night. I believe it to be one of the weirdest moments in my nightlife. 

I know last year, I danced with a very happy fat ginger, but watching a techno remix of Stripes has shown that I have grown since that previous moment. LOL! I can't explain it with any other word except: RANDOM.

The highlight of my night came when it was time to leave. A very tiny man was sitting on the ground at the train station in Wrigleyville, while he ate a very big slice of pizza. I remember it because at that very moment I had wished I had a pizza or some White Castle. Neither were available for my consumption. 

All in all, the night was a total bust. I hope to have a better time next year, but hopefully in California.

The Porn-Stache

Recently, I developed a mild obsession with a guy sporting a porn-stache. I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden I have to see him and the stache at least three times a day, and it sucks because I'll maybe see him once a month...if I'm lucky. 

I got a chance to see both him and the stache earlier today. Being in the midst of all that sexy porn-stachery made me giggle like a school girl. 

In any other circumstance, seeing a guy my age with a porn-stache would make me run in the opposite direction. Normally, a guy sporting the porn-stache is a Grade-A creeper who spends his time in bars hitting on the incoherent drunk chick. However, this guy is a good guy (I think) with no signs of being a creeper. 

Now all I have to do is contain myself whenever I'm in the presence of the sexy porn-stache. It's going to be hard, but I think I can deal. 

It's A Blizzard!

So I decided to post. Why not? I haven't done it in a while, so let's get going:

I mentioned before that I went off on someone. Let me just say that I don't normally go off on people. I like to laugh at people who try to upset me, but this one particular person, who decided to test me, had it coming. It's a co-worker of mine, and before you all think that it's some young woman with no home training realize that this person is a grown-ass woman with two children of her own. I believe her to be a menopausal woman of at least 50.

Apparently she believes that I have been mean to her in the past few months. I don't think I have, and here's why: THIS BITCH HAS SNAPPED AT ME FOR THE DUMBEST REASON AND I HAVE YET TO SAY ANYTHING BACK TO HER...until recently.

I don't know what it is about me that attracts the crazy (as I have said before) but these mofos keep coming around like ants to a can of grape pop. I wish they would go away because they are ALWAYS fucking up my chi. 

I don't want to go into detail of what was said and done, but just know that she is now a person I no longer want to speak to or be around. However, I will go over what I don't like about her:

I hang out with people my age, because why the hell would I want to hang out with a 50 year old menopausal chick when it is my personal opinion that this woman should be at home taking care of her two teenage children. I don't like people who run away from responsibility (edit: LOL! look at the pot calling the kettle black) and she is someone who definitely someone who does the latter.

After a long day at work (and directing people to the fucking X-Mas shop for the 100th time) some co-workers and I like to go out for a beer after work...why does this menopausal chick like to tag along with us. I don't mind a group. The more the merrier! However, the more needs to be in fact merrier for me to enjoy myself. Another thing I don't like is a self-centered and self-loathing menopausal chick. When there is nothing to talk about other than your weight gain and lack of dick action...that's when it's time to put down the beer and ask for the check.

I swear this chick asks me every damn day how much I weigh...I don't want to talk about my short stint with veganism with you, and no! I don't care that you slept with a man you believe to be gay. That makes you the fool who won't stop talking about your issues and me the ear...I don't want to be her ear! I would rather hear my grandfather talk about his green toenail than hear this chick's voice.

OH THE VOICE! It's very loud and sounds like it has been deepened by smoking, drinking, and crying. It's unbearable! I'm embarrassed every time she's around me.

AHHHHHHHHH! I can go on and on about how I don't like her, but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. She is who she is and you can't change an old bitch. However, I can stay the hell away from her until I calm down about the situation, because yes I'm still a little heated and every time I see her I want to give her a paper cut. SO VIOLENT!

...

Okay can September hurry the fuck up! I need to go on vacation now. So many things have happened to me since my last post, it's going to be hard for me to tell them all, but I will try my best to just inform my loyal legion of the highlights.

I would like to apologize one more gin about my lack of updates and posts. I, like before, didn't feel like writing anything for the simple fact that I doubt anyone except for my loyal legion would read or care about what is going on in my youthful (and surprisingly dull) life. Besides if you're in the loyal legion, you pretty much know me and already know what already happened before I post it. However, there are a few of you that I don't know and I would like to say hello! and welcome and thank you for taking time out for reading this blog. There are so many others to choose from, but for some reason you chose me. Thank you for the emails and Power Thinker Questions! I will try my hardest to get back to them asap. 

Now on to the highlights of this past month:

1) do you remember that guy I pocket dialed in June? Remember me saying something about if he were a real man then my mistake wouldn't really phase him. Well it turns out that he actually is a real man! He's a decent man and I can't wait to see him in California when I visit.

2) My California trip! I AM VERY IMPATIENT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS TRIP! I KNOW I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO FEELS THIS WAY BUT JULY AND AUGUST HAVE BEEN LONGEST FUCKING MONTHS OF MY LIFE! AND WHY CAPS? I'm only trying to emphasize my point. My trip is on September 2. I'm going with two friends. Friend #1 is going to be celebrating her birthday while we're there and it is my job to think of something cool to do while we're there. I have been wrecking my brain over this for a while, but I think I figured everything out last night while I was supposed to be working. I'm not going to give any details away, but just know that it involves two nights of non stop bar hopping. And Friend#2 has never been on a plane before...this should be interesting and something that I will always remember.

3) I have a spider situation with my car and no one cares. Everyday for the past two weeks, whenever I sit in my car a spider decides it's time to crawl on the driver's seat. The problem is, I'm in the seat whenever it gets that urge. I have a huge fear of  anything with more than two legs, so my usual reaction is to run and scream like a girl, but that's kind of dangerous while you're driving. I always forget to put the car in park while run and scream, but I'm getting better at it. Just last night while I was walking back to my car after a grueling 3 hours of work, I saw one crawling on the inside of my window and hiding between the window and the little black part that helps seals up the window. I screamed and squirmed then finally this guy on a bike saw me and helped me kill the spider. I'm not sure if he wanted something else cause after the spider was gone he sat there staring at me like I owed him something. I thanked him, smiled, got in my car, and drove home. Then when I got home I discovered that the little bastard wasn't even dead it was playing dead so that it could maybe crawl on my lap at a later date, but I made sure I killed it and I know I killed it because I felt the crunch under my shoe. Unfortunately, I will never wear those shoes again.

4) I made up with an old friend. I learned the power of forgiveness. Staying mad at someone isn't going to help you in anyway, so letting go of little things isn't going to kill anyone. However forgiving and forgetting is something I'm still working on. It's one thing to forgive, but to forget is just dumb.

5) I'm addicted to The Real World: New Orleans...Can someone tell me exactly the point is in casting the same people over and over again? I know it works, but there are so many other messed up people with issues that we need to see. I don't need to see the gay man who's still trying to deal with society's negative stereotypes of gay men and women. I need to see more people like Ryan. An entire show full of Ryans would do just nice. What is up with that dude?

6) I turned 23 and I didn't celebrate it. I stayed at home and watched Rescue Me with my mom and my other buddy Haagen Dazs ice cream.

7) I discovered a co-worker's undying fascination with me. Let me just say, I know I'm cute and I have a cute little tight body, but chick...can you please lay off the little sayings like, "I just want to spank that little tush of yours." and "Oh there goes my chocolate sundae!" Alright I get it, but no amount of flattering comments will allow me anywhere near your old, dry, wrinkly, and dusty snatch. I don't swing that way.

That's not all, but I'm sure other highlights will show up in some random post somewhere down the line.