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Okay can September hurry the fuck up! I need to go on vacation now. So many things have happened to me since my last post, it's going to be hard for me to tell them all, but I will try my best to just inform my loyal legion of the highlights.

I would like to apologize one more gin about my lack of updates and posts. I, like before, didn't feel like writing anything for the simple fact that I doubt anyone except for my loyal legion would read or care about what is going on in my youthful (and surprisingly dull) life. Besides if you're in the loyal legion, you pretty much know me and already know what already happened before I post it. However, there are a few of you that I don't know and I would like to say hello! and welcome and thank you for taking time out for reading this blog. There are so many others to choose from, but for some reason you chose me. Thank you for the emails and Power Thinker Questions! I will try my hardest to get back to them asap. 

Now on to the highlights of this past month:

1) do you remember that guy I pocket dialed in June? Remember me saying something about if he were a real man then my mistake wouldn't really phase him. Well it turns out that he actually is a real man! He's a decent man and I can't wait to see him in California when I visit.

2) My California trip! I AM VERY IMPATIENT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS TRIP! I KNOW I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO FEELS THIS WAY BUT JULY AND AUGUST HAVE BEEN LONGEST FUCKING MONTHS OF MY LIFE! AND WHY CAPS? I'm only trying to emphasize my point. My trip is on September 2. I'm going with two friends. Friend #1 is going to be celebrating her birthday while we're there and it is my job to think of something cool to do while we're there. I have been wrecking my brain over this for a while, but I think I figured everything out last night while I was supposed to be working. I'm not going to give any details away, but just know that it involves two nights of non stop bar hopping. And Friend#2 has never been on a plane before...this should be interesting and something that I will always remember.

3) I have a spider situation with my car and no one cares. Everyday for the past two weeks, whenever I sit in my car a spider decides it's time to crawl on the driver's seat. The problem is, I'm in the seat whenever it gets that urge. I have a huge fear of  anything with more than two legs, so my usual reaction is to run and scream like a girl, but that's kind of dangerous while you're driving. I always forget to put the car in park while run and scream, but I'm getting better at it. Just last night while I was walking back to my car after a grueling 3 hours of work, I saw one crawling on the inside of my window and hiding between the window and the little black part that helps seals up the window. I screamed and squirmed then finally this guy on a bike saw me and helped me kill the spider. I'm not sure if he wanted something else cause after the spider was gone he sat there staring at me like I owed him something. I thanked him, smiled, got in my car, and drove home. Then when I got home I discovered that the little bastard wasn't even dead it was playing dead so that it could maybe crawl on my lap at a later date, but I made sure I killed it and I know I killed it because I felt the crunch under my shoe. Unfortunately, I will never wear those shoes again.

4) I made up with an old friend. I learned the power of forgiveness. Staying mad at someone isn't going to help you in anyway, so letting go of little things isn't going to kill anyone. However forgiving and forgetting is something I'm still working on. It's one thing to forgive, but to forget is just dumb.

5) I'm addicted to The Real World: New Orleans...Can someone tell me exactly the point is in casting the same people over and over again? I know it works, but there are so many other messed up people with issues that we need to see. I don't need to see the gay man who's still trying to deal with society's negative stereotypes of gay men and women. I need to see more people like Ryan. An entire show full of Ryans would do just nice. What is up with that dude?

6) I turned 23 and I didn't celebrate it. I stayed at home and watched Rescue Me with my mom and my other buddy Haagen Dazs ice cream.

7) I discovered a co-worker's undying fascination with me. Let me just say, I know I'm cute and I have a cute little tight body, but chick...can you please lay off the little sayings like, "I just want to spank that little tush of yours." and "Oh there goes my chocolate sundae!" Alright I get it, but no amount of flattering comments will allow me anywhere near your old, dry, wrinkly, and dusty snatch. I don't swing that way.

That's not all, but I'm sure other highlights will show up in some random post somewhere down the line.

Power Thinker Question!

Dear Writer,
I'm 19 years old and in a delima. I met a guy at a book store a few months ago and soon after we started to talk and text just about everyday. I liked him instantly but there was one thing holding me back, he's 20 years older than me. I knew I shouldn't get caught up in something like that but he's a really respectful guy and I don't get a lot of that from guys in my age group.
So anyway, after talking back and forth for what seemed like forever, we finally had sex. It was amazing and that night I knew I was starting to fall for him. The next day he is taking me home and I tell him to drop me off at my aunt's house because I was supposed to babysit my cousins while she was out. I told him the address of where I was supposed to go and he gave me a funny look. I really wasn't paying that close of attention to him because I was running late and I was afraid my aunt would freak out on me when I got to her house. We got there fine with no problem and I jumped out of his truck to go to the house. About six hours later I get a text from him asking my aunt's name and I told him. I didn't get another text from him until the next day and he tells me he has to talk to me. We meet up and he tells me that he knows my aunt. He works with her and had been sleeping with her for the past two years. I was disgusted and left after he told me all about it.
I want to tell my aunt (who is still married to my father's brother) that I know about what she's doing. It's been two weeks and I've seen her twice and everytime I look at her I get sick to my stomach. I am mad at her because she ruined my relationship. I was starting to fall in love with a good man and she ruined it for me. I can never forgive her for that. I want to know what should I do? Should I tell her I know? Should I tell my uncle? Should I cut off all ties with my boyfriend? I still like him no matter what, in fact I might love him. I know it's crazy but I need some outside advice.

Dedra from Chicago

To Dedra:

Power Thinker Question!

This was originally a response to the post about open relationships that was sent to me. After months of no comments I allowed for readers to comment on whatever post they want. I normally don't respond to the emails about posts but this one made me think:

Anonymous from Illinois says

Hello Writer,

I was reading your blog about relationships. Unfortunately there are a lot of women who think like Monique or at least they talk that way. Honestly, I don't believe these women are okay with their spouses cheating. I think they just accept it because many feel that's what men do. Come on now, who feels it is okay for their man to cheat. It makes a person feel that they are not enough for their mate. You wonder what is lacking in your relationship and what you are doing wrong to make this person run to someone else. You wonder what does she have or do that I don't. And we all know if the tables were turned men could not handle it. I love the show Man Men. Last season the character Betsy Draper left her cheating husband Don. Once he found out she had another man (whom he was told she was fooling around with before they split) he flipped. He called her a whore and threatened her. This came from a man who was screwing around at the time of his discovery. She had suspected him of cheating but could never prove it. During one show she nearly drove herself crazy trying to find something that would prove her suspicion. I felt sorry for her because she was so hurt and disgusted. Finally she gave up and decided to find her own happiness outside of her husband and children. Another example is the movie The Best Man. The philandering star football player Lance Sullivan (played by Morris Chestnut) nearly killed his best man (Taye Diggs) when he found out he and his fiancé shared a night of passion due college. This from a man who was screwing women around the country. I share your view of marriage somewhat. I have been around so many dishonest or cheating spouses that it has completely turned me off. I believe if you are going to have an open relationship that is not a marriage. You're not committed to one another. And if you honestly love your wife you would consider her feelings and put them before your own. That's what people do when they truly love and care for one another. We all have weaknesses but men seem to feel they have a pass. Are they stating that they have no self control or is it only when it comes to the "booty"? Anyway I am going to quit because I could go on and on and I don't want to seem like I'm male bashing. I honestly believe there are some good one's out there. Good strong men who know that life is full of temptations but it takes a real man to walk away.

To Anony,

I agree with you. However your examples come from fiction. I know that fiction is based on reality but at the same time you must know that a lot of these situations are exaggeratedly written and played.

I love the movie The Best Man, it's one of my favorites. I remember the scene of which you speak. I also remember thinking how can this man get mad at his friend for something that happened years ago, while he (Morris Chestnut's character Lance) is still doing the same thing. Do you remember that scene where the men were going to try on their tuxes and Lance was checking out the women he had just given autographs to? It was a gross moment to me! If it were reality and I were a man, I would act as if my significant other was with me at all times. Hell it worked when I was a child and I didn't want to get in trouble over some dumb shit. I guess when you're a man (and you're a successful man at that) it's hard to turn down easy cooch. Especially when you always had to work for it, which is something Lance told Harper (Taye Diggs) after he told them about his book deal and his upcoming appearance on Oprah. He said: Harp will never have to work for the quality ass again. He said it as if it was something to brag about. Trust me men, if you have to work hard to get something, you will cherish it more.

However Anony, it could be me and my conservativeness (Is that a word? Then it is now!!!) when it comes to relationships. When I'm in a relationship, I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP! I'm not looking at other dudes, because they instantly become ugly to me.

I remember when I was living in LA there was this guy who was after me and he was SO CUTE, but he was in a relationship. I, as a woman, respected the other woman and didn't touch the man, although I wanted to. Do you know why? Because, say I'm that woman and I'm in love with this man, I would be crushed if it were me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had done what I wanted to do. I convinced myself he had herpes and moved on. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like that and if they want it they have to have it. This impulse screwing leads to unknowing women contracting all kinds of STDs because their men just had to have it with someone else.

Like my good pal Samantha told Richard: I love you Richard, but I love me more. I believe that women are telling their mates that it is okay for them to be with other people because they don’t love themselves. If there was more of that going on then there would be no need for open relationships. Women don’t be afraid to lose a man. If he wants to leave he will leave. It’s not the end of the world.

Power Thinker Question!

Amber from New Haven, Ct
I've been reading your blog for two weeks now, and you're clever. However, you mentioned that you were black. I normally don't care what race people are, but you seem to mention it a lot, especially in that John Mayer post. I just want to say, that as a fan of John Mayer, I know he's not a racist and it's not necessary to get all worked up over something that you read. He's words could have been taken out of context or turned around. John has performed with a lot of black people so I know he's not racist. Maybe offensive, but not racist.

I really like your blog but I just wish you lay off of the black talk. Just a suggestion.

I wasn't going to post anything, but I just had to acknowledge this email. I wrote something else, but I ended up cutting it and cutting straight to the chase:

Dear Amber,


Okay, are you okay in the head? Did you read what John Mayer said? If yes, please continue reading. If no, get a life! I don't think I called him a racist, I do believe I called him an asshole. Although assholes can be racists, I don't think John Mayer is a racist. I do believe that he is a self-centered, juvenile, ignorant, asshole.

What's your problem with me talking about my nationality? I'm a black woman, and damn proud of it. I don't give a damn if you like it or not. If you don't, there are plenty of other blogs with nice Anglo conscious writers that don't feel the need to talk about their race.
Does me talking about my race upset you? Do you feel threatened? Are my black words too much for you to handle? Girl, go somewhere else with that mess. I'm not the one to complain to about race issues. If anything I'm happy when people (regardless of race) talk about their nationality with pride. Why do you have a problem when I do it? Girl you don't know me, and please thank God that you don't.

My advice to you would be to think twice before you speak, not only on the issues of race, but when you talk about anything. You don't seem like a very smart person. Read a book, watch the news, do something else besides trying to learn via the internet, because it's clearly not working out for you.

And oh yeah! I'll let this proud JEWISH woman speak for me:

pic stolen from dlisted

Power Thinker Question: Does he really love me?

Jennifer from New York City asks:

"I've been with my boyfriend for four years. After three years together, he asks me to move in with him. I accepted because I loved him, I still do, and I thought this would lead to marriage. When I first moved in all he could talk about was getting married and starting a family. It's been almost a year (I moved in March 17, 2009) and he still hasn't popped the question. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, because we are both still in school, but I just found some papers showing his financial set backs. Two months before I moved in he received an eviction notice for failure to pay rent. He also had many unpaid bills and a notice that his gas would be turned off around the time I moved in. I know that some couples move in together for financial reasons, but finances were never discussed when he asked me to move in. I can't help but wonder did he only ask me to move in to help him out financially? Does he really love me? I mean would have helped him out in any way I could if he had told me, but he never did.

I'm lost. Now every time I look at him, I question his real intentions. He hasn't even mentioned marriage in the past few months. Should I ask him about it? We're usually very open with each other, should I tell him how I feel?"

Okay first of all let me ask you, how did you find these documents? We're you snooping? If so shame on you! What the hell is your problem? How would you like it if your boyfriend went snooping around in your things and found your skeletons? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it one bit. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew your nosy ass would find out anyway. So here's the first thing you need to do, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. The only time you should be snooping around in someone else's shit is if you feel your life is in danger. However, this raises a question. Why were you really searching? Are you the jealous type?

Second, why are people so frantic to get married? If you are still in school, I seriously doubt you need to be thinking about getting married. All the planning hoopla would take away from your concentration. You said he's having financial problems, so maybe he's just waiting to get things situated before he asks you. I read somewhere, that men like to make sure they can provide before they make this decision. And maybe he's not talking about it because he's embarrassed that he can't provide for you yet. Besides, how much does he have to talk about it for you to feel satisfied? I don't know maybe it's me, but if I was with a guy that could only talk about marriage then I would run for the hills. Like I said maybe it's just me...

Does he really love you? I'm not sure, because I don't know him. However, if your boyfriend is anything like me, then he bores easily. It seriously takes something or someone pretty darn special to hold my attention, especially for 4-5 years, but the way you mentioned "finding" his stuff sounds like there was a little change in his character that made you think hmmm.

Another thing I want you to do is notice what you're doing. You could be doing something or showing some behavior that is making him think twice about you. You say you love him, then do this one thing. If you find an error in your character, think about how you would feel if he was doing that to you.

So here's my advice, approach him about his behavior. Just ask him what's up and read his body language. He could be hiding something, but there are other ways to find out than going through his things. Don't go into the situation like a crazy and deranged woman, approach him like a friend. Communicate! You're not "very open with each other" if you have to go through his things. I'm not saying talk his ear off, but let him know, hey I've noticed some changes and if there's anything you want to tell me just let me know. He might not open up at first, and that's okay don't press the issue. If he doesn't open up after a while and you still feel that's he's hiding something, then move on. Maybe he's not the guy for you. I know it will be hard, but look at it as an opportunity for the right man to come into your life.

got a question? email me