Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Power Thinker Question!

This was originally a response to the post about open relationships that was sent to me. After months of no comments I allowed for readers to comment on whatever post they want. I normally don't respond to the emails about posts but this one made me think:

Anonymous from Illinois says
Hello Writer,
I was reading your blog about relationships. Unfortunately there are a lot of women who think like Monique or at least they talk that way. Honestly, I don't believe these women are okay with their spouses cheating. I think they just accept it because many feel that's what men do. Come on now, who feels it is okay for their man to cheat. It makes a person feel that they are not enough for their mate. You wonder what is lacking in your relationship and what you are doing wrong to make this person run to someone else. You wonder what does she have or do that I don't. And we all know if the tables were turned men could not handle it. I love the show Man Men. Last season the character Betsy Draper left her cheating husband Don. Once he found out she had another man (whom he was told she was fooling around with before they split) he flipped. He called her a whore and threatened her. This came from a man who was screwing around at the time of his discovery. She had suspected him of cheating but could never prove it. During one show she nearly drove herself crazy trying to find something that would prove her suspicion. I felt sorry for her because she was so hurt and disgusted. Finally she gave up and decided to find her own happiness outside of her husband and children. Another example is the movie The Best Man. The philandering star football player Lance Sullivan (played by Morris Chestnut) nearly killed his best man (Taye Diggs) when he found out he and his fiancé shared a night of passion due college. This from a man who was screwing women around the country. I share your view of marriage somewhat. I have been around so many dishonest or cheating spouses that it has completely turned me off. I believe if you are going to have an open relationship that is not a marriage. You're not committed to one another. And if you honestly love your wife you would consider her feelings and put them before your own. That's what people do when they truly love and care for one another. We all have weaknesses but men seem to feel they have a pass. Are they stating that they have no self control or is it only when it comes to the "booty"? Anyway I am going to quit because I could go on and on and I don't want to seem like I'm male bashing. I honestly believe there are some good one's out there. Good strong men who know that life is full of temptations but it takes a real man to walk away.

To Anony,
I agree with you. However your examples come from fiction. I know that fiction is based on reality but at the same time you must know that a lot of these situations are exaggeratedly written and played.

I love the movie The Best Man, it's one of my favorites. I remember the scene of which you speak. I also remember thinking how can this man get mad at his friend for something that happened years ago, while he (Morris Chestnut's character Lance) is still doing the same thing. Do you remember that scene where the men were going to try on their tuxes and Lance was checking out the women he had just given autographs to? It was a gross moment to me! If it were reality and I were a man, I would act as if my significant other was with me at all times. Hell it worked when I was a child and I didn't want to get in trouble over some dumb shit. I guess when you're a man (and you're a successful man at that) it's hard to turn down easy cooch. Especially when you always had to work for it, which is something Lance told Harper (Taye Diggs) after he told them about his book deal and his upcoming appearance on Oprah. He said: Harp will never have to work for the quality ass again. He said it as if it was something to brag about. Trust me men, if you have to work hard to get something, you will cherish it more.

However Anony, it could be me and my conservativeness (Is that a word? Then it is now!!!) when it comes to relationships. When I'm in a relationship, I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP! I'm not looking at other dudes, because they instantly become ugly to me.

I remember when I was living in LA there was this guy who was after me and he was SO CUTE, but he was in a relationship. I, as a woman, respected the other woman and didn't touch the man, although I wanted to. Do you know why? Because, say I'm that woman and I'm in love with this man, I would be crushed if it were me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had done what I wanted to do. I convinced myself he had herpes and moved on. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like that and if they want it they have to have it. This impulse screwing leads to unknowing women contracting all kinds of STDs because their men just had to have it with someone else.

Like my good pal Samantha told Richard: I love you Richard, but I love me more. I believe that women are telling their mates that it is okay for them to be with other people because they don’t love themselves. If there was more of that going on then there would be no need for open relationships. Women don’t be afraid to lose a man. If he wants to leave he will leave. It’s not the end of the world.