Nirvana brings Merry Merry and Bobby Brown Together and Casey Affleck loves breasts

Although I'm no longer in LA, I still have friends who live there. Either they're all about their shit and are truly going to make it, or they're just slumming it up and living their life...kinda what I was doing, but I feel they are a little bit more dedicated since they still live there and I'm here in Chicago just working and L.I.V.I.N (click on the link if you have no idea what I'm talking about).

Anyway, I had to work for the past 8 days for a tired ass pay that's barely getting me by, but I take it. On the ride home from work two days ago, I received a phone call from a dearly missed LA friend. She's my favorite and something like my best friend that always has some sort of crazy story that makes the tired ass pay worth working for. I believe this story to be the best, in fact, she should stop telling me stories because it would ruin this one.

Merry Merry (yeah her name isn't really Merry) was at one of her boyfriend's shows in what's considered the boonies of California's Los Angeles County, The Valley. I'm not sure of the name of this particular place, but since she was in The Valley I'm sure it was something cheesy like The Spot or The Juke Joint. So her boyfriend plays his set and she's waiting for him and the other guy in the band to get their shit together and leave. She's waiting at the bar with another band girlfriend when this guy shows up. Merry Merry would talk to a plant if it approached her, so needless to say she began talking to this guy while the other band girlfriend stared in disbelief.

Clearly engrossed in the conversation, Merry Merry hadn't noticed that the other band girlfriend had left and told their boyfriends what Merry Merry had failed to realize: Merry Merry was talking to Bobby Brown! 

Yes THAT Bobby Brown! Whitney Houston's very own ORIGINAL KING OF R&B...yeah. I'm guessing she finally looked up and saw that it was The King. However, in true LA form she didn't freak out (like I would have) or ask him about his prerogative (or for an autograph), she just pretended that he was a regular dude at a bar.

Then came the WTF moment that nearly killed me: Merry Merry looked down and noticed that The Original King was wearing a pretty original Nirvana t-shirt. Being from Seattle, Merry Merry went into this mini-rant about how Seattle-ites are born and bred to love all things grunge, especially Nirvana. In this scenario, The King was wearing a Nirvana shirt that Merry Merry had never seen before, so she asked him where he got it from. The answer: Kurt Cobain.

Really dude? Really? 

But he didn't stop there, "Yeah, I went to see them in concert and got a chance to go backstage. Kurt had on this t-shit and I asked him could I have it. He just gave it to me."

How awesome is that? I mean really! How awesomely random is that? Merry Merry at some lame ass Valley bar, minding her own business, when Bobby Brown shows up and tells a ridiculous story about that time he stole a shirt from Kurt Cobain!

Want to know what's happened to me since I've been in Chicago? I was sitting at my desk at work when Casey Affleck walks his socially awkward ass past me after my eyes bugged because I clearly recognized him from that one movie. I'm sure I saw him staring at my boobs...Oh goddess I hate Merry Merry!

JTT Found!!!

All I wanted to do was go to Dlisted and see what the hell was going on in the world of celebrity, and what do I find? MR. JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS all smiley and hugged up with the cast of Home Improvement. I just had to share, because apparently you bitches love the Jonathan Taylor Thomas. 

This picture was taken behind the scenes at an Entertainment Weekly photo shoot about a month ago. This proves that he is not dead! What asshole started that rumor?

I can't wait to see the upcoming issue with JTT and the entire cast. Maybe it will get around to answering all of those questions I have about why he actually left the show, and if he and Tim Allen really get into a bitch fight because Simba is like way more awesome than Buzz Lightyear. 

Whatever went on, I'm just glad to see him back with the cast. And did I mention today is his birthday?

pic snatched from Dlisted

And please ignore the crappy quality, but I couldn't resist.

Yeah, I watched Cherrelle's Unsung on Labor Day

It's funny how I think of this song every time he calls me...

Just Noticed!!!

Thank you guys so much for sticking in there with me. I have the most amazing fan base! 10,000+ views and counting. 

Spread the word and welcome others into my world.

Thank you so much! I love my Loyal Legion!!!

I’m Back and Beyonce is Pregnant

I’m sorry but I had to leave for a little while. However, I’m back!

I have received your emails and I would like to let you know that nothing has happened. I’ve just been crazy busy!

All this time I’ve been working! Working! Working! Like a crazy person to make things happened and it’s great to finally see everything come together.

I could cry! But I won’t cuz I’m no punk. So instead, I go shopping. And I can’t wait to wear my new boots!!!!!!!!!!

Another part of my happiness is Second City. I finally gathered up the courage to start taking classes at Second City. I’ve always wanted to go, but for some reason I never believed in my ability to write and was content with just working my bullshit job. Then one night I dreamed that I died. Nothing eventful happened in the dream. NO! My ass just died and I hadn’t done anything with my life that I was proud of. The very next day, I started looking at classes. All last minute and shit (typical me), majority of the classes that I wanted to take were filled, but I lucked up and found a class that would accommodate me and my current work schedule.

And of course I can’t go anywhere without finding a man to occupy my thoughts. This one is one of my classmates from my Second City writing class. I like him, but I don’t want to say too much because he might be reading this (he’s officially a part of the loyal legion!!!). However, I will say this, I’m having a lot of fun and it’s nice to be around him. It’s also great not to have to worry about what I’m saying or doing because he is just as silly as I am. It’s nice.

To wrap things up, I want to explain why I named this post I’m back and Beyonce is Pregnant! When I started writing this post, a tribute for Aaliyah was playing on BET. The day that I found out Aaliyah died was the same day I had tickets to go see Destiny’s Child in concert. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to go. It was officially a day of mourning. My idol was gone, but I went anyway. The entire time I was at the concert I thought about how I would have enjoyed watching Aaliyah on stage instead of that hollering Beyonce.

Is it just me or does this girl scream on every fucking song she sings. I swear it seems like if she's not screaming then she's forcing a whoa-whoa-whoaing lyric out. 

With Aaliyah, there was no hollering. She didn't even whoa-whoa-whoa. She simply sang. Then every once in a while she would let out a yeah-eeeee-yeahhhhhhh. Beautiful!

I don't know, but to me it's like Beyonce just does wayyyyyyy too much, yet not enough for me to like her. Don't get me wrong! I will bump a Beyonce song if I think it's hot. However, hot hardly comes and I'm always wondering about if Aaliyah was still alive would she even be relevant? 

Hell no!

photo jacked from Just Jared

Feeling All 8th Grade & Shit...

Fake money, real plastic
Stupid cupid, fantastic
Queer thinking, straight talking
What you see ain't what you are getting
Fast loving, slow moving
No rhythm, but I'm grooving
Old feeling, new beginning
Superficial expectations

Express Yourself Don't Repress Yourself

The Bulls Really Needed Rodman Tonight

I remember being a kid and watching this man and thinking about how crazy he was. What was it about the ball that attracted Dennis Rodman? Who knows, but he made sure to touch it every time he was on the floor. This man sacrificed life and limb for a rebound. It's sad that his kind of hustle is currently out of business. 

Take note Bulls. The 1990s Bulls didn't just win because their star player was MVP, but because they had an all around team. Everyone from the starting players to the water boys were on point. 

Wake up Bulls! Or are you scared? Scared of what? The refs? Don't be afraid to pick up a foul! That's why they give you six.

Now enjoy your summer vacation, but make sure you come back prepared to play real ball.

That Time My Mother Told Me To Sit Still While A Spider Wanted To Eat Me

It was summer time 1996. I was 8 years old, and I'm almost positive this is the experience that started my arachnophobia. Some way some how a spider had gotten into my mother's red cavalier (you know the one that everyone seemed to have in the mid to late 90s). And if my memory serves me correctly, I told my mother the night before that I had seen a spider in the car, but her being her...DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. 

The next day I had completely forgotten about the spider I saw the previous night. I was more focused on summer camp and who I was going to sit next to during the field trip to Discovery Zone (Side note: please tell me you remember Discovery Zone!!!). I fastened my seat belt and began to roll down my window when I noticed the spider I'd seen the night before just chillaxing on the handle. 

I, of course, screamed at the top of my lungs to which my mother probably replied, "Girl, what's wrong with you?" I told her that there was a spider in the car and I proceeded to jump into the back seat. I then sat behind the driver's seat and tried to fasten my seat belt again only to notice that the spider had followed me to the backseat. 

I didn't know what to do but scream, to which my mother replied "Can you please stop screaming? Just sit in the front seat." 

Duh! Why didn't I think of that? 

So that's what I did. I climbed back into the passenger seat. Again, I tried to fasten my seat belt and was met with the creepy little eyes of a big ass spider. I screamed again, but this time instead of climbing back into the back seat, I thought it would be okay to sit on my mother's lap while she drove. 

Hell, summer camp was only a few blocks away and we were almost there. I was sure I could sit in her lap for one more block, but my mother wasn't feeling it. She told me to sit in the back seat and sit still until we got to camp. I pleaded with her, but it didn't work. So I did what she told me to do. I sat back in the back seat...AGAIN!

However, this time I didn't fasten my seatbelt. I thought that maybe the spider saw me as an easy target since I was being strapped down by the belt. I also thought that if I didn't fasten my seatbelt, it would make it easier to escape just in case the spider planned a surprise attack. I sat still and cried until we reached our destination, but  DAMNIT! We were stuck at a red light. However, I know my mother loved it. Ever since I was born she lived to torture me.

I think the spider knew that this was the perfect moment to come after me because I was obeying my mother and crying. The tears were blocking my view of the spider and I was so worried about my mother being so damn mean that I didn't think to look over at it. However, when I finally did look over at the spider I saw that it was closer to me than it had ever gotten before. This time, instead of screaming, I jumped in the front seat and curled up into a little ball.

As before, the spider was coming back to me AGAIN, so I inched over. I inched more and more until I was practically in my mother's lap again. It was also then that I realized that red lights are entirely way too long.

I didn't care how much my mother protested and told me that I was going to make her crash. If we were going to crash then that spider was going to crash too, but we didn't. The light finally turned green and the car was finally able to make that left turn into the parking lot. 

My mother and I must have been on the road all of five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. It definitely felt longer when my mother screamed that since I was blocking the gear shift that she couldn't park the car.
And I wondered: who told her she had to put the car in park? She could have just slowed down and let me jump out of the car, since she wasn't the one in danger and didn't seem to be bothered by the spider. However, she insisted on parking the car and walking me into the summer camp. Whatever!!!

So in order to let this woman park, I had sit back in the passenger seat, next to the waiting spider. I remember looking at that thing and seeing its evil little grin as I lowered myself into the seat. I could have just about passed out right then and there, but my mother finally parked the car. I'm not sure if my mother had the key out of the ignition before I flew out of the car, but I do remember banging my knee up pretty bad as I hit the ground on the way out. 

For as long as I live, I will never let my mother forget the time she almost got me eaten by a spider. When I told her I was writing about it, she kind of rolled her eyes and said she vaguely remembered the incident.

Of course parents don't remember the times when they mess you up for life. They only remember the times when you did something, said something, went somewhere that they didn't approve of. I have plenty of "MY MOTHER ALMOST KILLED ME" stories, but I'll reveal them slowly. I don't the Loyal Legion to think that I was abused as a child. I wasn't, but I was definitely scarred.

P.S. I tried to find a picture of the spider, since its image is forever embedded in my memory, but when I searched for pics of spiders it was all too creepy. I can't look at those nasty things. They make me itch. Just know that the spider that tried to eat me was about the size of the coin with JFK on it. It was also yellow, black, and red. Nasty little things...

Earworm Alert!

How Could I Forget???

All this time I've been whining about how long it's taking season 4 of True Blood to premiere, and I forgot all about the 12th anniversary of the first time I saw The Matrix.

Yes! I'm a dork, and damn proud of it.

If you're reading this and you're a part of my loyal legion, then you should already know about my love of all things Matrix and Keanu. Not only do I love The Matrix, I also love its sequels. I understand all of them, and I can tell you just about every line from all three films. The same goes for my love of Keanu. I've seen just about all of his films. Therefore, I am his stan (slang for huge fan), and if given the choice to only choose one movie to watch for the rest of my life it would be one of his.

As a tribute to this glorious occasion, I will post the link to The Matrix paper I wrote and aced last year.

Yes I'm obsessed, and I don't care who knows it.

Pick Up The Pieces...Pick Up The Pieces!

War of the Gargantuas

I'm not sure about my loyal legion, but I grew up watching movies like Foxy Brown, Coffy, Cleopatra Jones, Enter The Dragon, Fist of Fury, Master of the Flying Guillotine, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Super Fly, Shaft, The One Armed Boxer, and Cotton Comes To Harlem. 

I would honestly sit in front of my television and watch these movies so much that I'm positive I know every line to just about every one of the movies listed above. 

Sometimes I find myself sitting at work humming the entire theme to Enter The Dragon or making the sound effects from Master of the Flying Guillotine. However, there are some things that I would love to banish from my brain forever. 

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I kept singing the words to a song that was in The War of the Gargantuas, which stands as the worst movie I've EVER seen. 

I still can't understand why in the middle of a horror movie, the creators of this film thought it would be a good idea for a musical number to be had, but it's there. I also can't understand how and why someone would write such a shit song to be heard by millions (I know I'm over exaggerating...hundreds), but it was written. I will also never understand why, at such an important time for sleep, I had this song stuck in my head, but it was there. 

I've only seen this movie once, but I still remember that most unsavory song.

In A Frusciante Kinda Mood

Earworm Alert!!!

Trevor Is The Daddy!!!

I've heard about this movie for a while, and now I've finally seen the trailer. I'm so excited to see this! I love Paula Patton. She's so pretty, and I like looking at her more than that over used Halle Berry. I'm also excited to see Brian Stokes Mitchell. You know! Trevor from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Jumping The Broom in theaters May 8, 2011.

Ladies and Gents: Christopher from Las Vegas!

snatched from Dlisted

Earworm Alert!

Since Usher is the sweetest guy in the world for getting kicked in the face and not loosing his cool, I felt like doing a little tribute by posting my favorite Usher song.

I used to sing this song so much when I was in high school. I loved this video so much! Especially when he did that cool little rolling-across-the-floor dance move. I would scream every time. 

My Favorite Forrest Gump Quotes

I love this movie a little bit too much for one person. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this movie, but I'm sure the number is close to 1 million. 

After watching Forrest Gump for #who knows how many times this morning, I decided to make a post for the best quotes in cinema history (according to me).

As usual, I tried to lazy my way out of this situation that I put myself in by trying to find a video with all of the best quotes (according to me), but I couldn't find one. Then I thought, how about you make a video... then I realized that would require me to do even more work, I punked out. 

So here are the best quotes (according to me):

...you know what, before I start let me just say this. I don't think people realize how good of a film this movie is. You know that I actually encounter people who haven't seen this movie? I cannot describe to you the disappointment I feel when they say, "What? I ain't never seen that movie." I'm more disappointed that they haven't seen the movie then being mad at them for putting the words ain't & never together.

Then there are those people who don't like the movie. WTF! How could you not like this movie. Once upon a time a guy told me that he didn't like "heartwarming" movies. Whatever that means. I guess it's not a movie for everyone, but damn people! Acknowledge a great film when you see it. You don't have to watch it all the time for it to me a great film. I saw the movie Giant, it's not my favorite film, but it is a good film. I'm acknowledging it as such. Why are people such haters?

Don't be hating on Gump! He's a character created to make us boring individual believe that we do have a place in this world. However, it is up to us to let go of any inhibitions and live life. You never know what that simple act could do for you. Some of us can relate and if you act like you can't then you're an ignorant fool with no life (according to me). 

Sad...and you know what? for that reason I ain't posting nothing about my favorite Forrest Gump quotes. You want to know what I love so much about the movie then watch it and see it for yourself. I'm not going to be responsible for corrupting minds and forcing them to believe what I believe. You all have minds of your own, use them.

Earworm Alert!