Don't Tell Me What To Do With My Life

Earworm Alert!!!

Happy 61st Birthday T-Bone!

"Integrate what you believe in every single area of your life. Take your heart to work and ask the most and best of everybody else, too."

Mary Louise "Meryl" Streep

June 22, 1949

Dlisted just ruined my my thing for Chris Klein

Chris Klein actually auditioned for the unmentionable T-Bone film Mamma Mia? Gross...

I honestly had to stop watching after he said, "I wasn't jealous before..." I had enough of the crazy and that's only :39 into the video. Just a warning to the weak, this is pretty painful.

My Oscar Reflection...

I hope my Loyal Legion of 1 didn’t' think I was Miss Cleo or anything, because almost all of my Oscar picks were wrong! I had Precious practically winning everything, but a part of me knew that The Hurt Locker would be the big winner.

Kathryn Bigelow, first of all, wow! She looks like a freaking model! How the hell did James Cameron let her go? Okay Linda Hamilton was kick ass and had an amazing body in Terminator 2, but she was no Betty in the looks department. And forgive me Lord, but what was up with that dried up piece of skin from Titanic? I was like damn is that even the same person? I was honestly offended when I saw the youthful and beautiful Bigelow sitting near... Gollum. No seriously Gollum! James Cameron is married to Gollum.Don't believe me? Look at the picture for yourself, and try not to laugh. And don't worry he'll never read this so don't feel bad.

Although I wanted Gabby to win best actress, I was happy that it went to Sandra Bullock. I would have had a fit if Meryl "T-Bone" Streep would have walked off with another Oscar. I seriously got so tired of hearing her name the entire night. With all of the references to T-Bone and George Clooney I had had enough. Be gone with the best and let's bring on the bubbly! And that's why Sandra won.

I got a little misty when Sandra, during her acceptance speech, thanked her late mother. I have a rule, no one cries alone, and I was a boohooer at that very moment. I think the camera man knew this and insisted on showing a shot of Jesse James crying...okay that just about did it for me. I was seriously on the floor in tears. Goodness big men in tears do it to me every time! Every single time!

I have one question though...what the hell was up with that boobalicious dress that Charlize Theron had on? Her style has seriously gone former model turned actress turned charity case. I didn't even think she would be there. When I saw her head I was like cool she's beautiful as always...Then they showed the rest of her...

What the hell is that? I think she new I was having something like a shit day and wanted to cheer me up, because I laughed my ass off. As soon as Jay Manuel went silent on the red carpet special, I knew exactly what he was thinking. The entire world knew what he was thinking. In the words of lazy bloggers everywhere: WTF MOFO! Charlize thanks for thinking of your male demographic, but I'm pretty sure they know where your boobies are.

I honestly thought I had seen it all when Kanye bum rushed the stage and made the country princess in training cry, but this chick last night seriously took the cake. The director of  some film I had never heard of, went on stage to accept his award, and to recieve his moment of importance when this woman on the right, Elinor Burkett, stole his shine. Apparently there is some sort of beef between Burkett and the director Roger Ross Williams. To read more about it visit Dlisted, because it's way too much to get into right now. Just know that the drama isn't only for fiction.

I had way too many favorite Oscar moments, but I must say this: Gabby, because I know you're reading this, you looked lovely last night. I honestly believed you out bubbled Sandra, but that's another story. Not only did you make the red carpet memorable, you made the boring intro to the ceremony memorable.If your personality was porn it would be the money shot! Girl you are hilarious!

Monique's Good Luck Charms?

I was told by someone very close to me (my mother) to talk about Monique's hairy ass gams. I tried to think of something harsh and evil to say about this woman, but I couldn't. I was kinda pissed because, I usually have something overly critical to say about anyone. Then it dawned on me. Monique is a freakin' genius. Hell it's clear she hasn't shaved her legs since she won the role of Nikki Parker. Those bastards have carried her ass from obscure network player to Golden Globe winner. Who am I to complain about a system that works? And now that I think about it, when was the last time we saw Meryl "T-Bone" Streep's legs?  Helen Mirren? Dame Judi Dench? So there you have it. The secret to success isn't hard work and dedication. Bullshit! It's hairy ass gams. So suck on that!

The Golden Globes

So Here I am, watching the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards. A show I have been watching just about every year that I've been alive. It's awards season, my favorite time of year.

Since I've been watching this grand gala for such a long time, I should know all of the over the top bullshit that I would have to witness but yet again those Hollywood Hooligans got me again.

This all in chronological order:

1) Meryl Streep vs. Meryl Streep

Come on give me a break. Given Meryl Streep is honestly and truly the world's greatest actress. She amazes me whenever she acts as though she doesn't know how fucking brilliant she is. She's up against herself and she's acting modest. Bitch you're your own competition! No one can beat you, but you.

edit: how could I not mention Mrs. Streep's new official name. T-Bone. Let's hear it for Meryl "T-Bone" Streep. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

2) Up in the Air wins over Inglorious Basterds for best original screenplay

I'm pretty sure, George Clooney has sold his soul to the devil because I saw Up In The Air, and I honestly didn't think it was all of that. I'm obviously on the side of Inglorious Basterds since I'm shocked the latter lost. Inglorious Basterds was not only a great movie but a fantasy film where the Jews finally win. How could the movie not win for best original screeplay?

3) Sophia Loren...

Where do I begin? How in the hell does this woman continue to look good? She's about 4 years older than my grandmother and looks damn good. I hate her. No explanation necessary.

4) Chloe Sevigny's ugly ass dress

Girl that dress wasn't all that. There was no reason for you to get all 
gangsta over that ugly ass dress. Just accept your award 
and shut up.

5) This year 30 Rock finally lost

But here's the kicker. They lost to Glee. A show that

a. I don't watch

b. It's on Fox

6) Ricky Gervais owning Mel Gibson.

The look on Gibson's face when he walked out to present

the award for best director was classic. He knew what he had done. He knew he had pissed offthe wrong people. And if you really want to know my

opinion, I honestly believe that his ass doesn't deserve a

second chance. Once is enough.

7) The Hollywood Foreign Press=Frat 
Love


Who would have even thought The Hangover would even be nominated for any award, let

alone a GG. Not to say the Hollywood Foreign Press always makes good 
decisions, but there is someone within that organization that finally did. 
Or maybe, just maybe Bradley Cooper

slept with the head to get ahead...okay now I'm just rambling.

Although my favorite, Precious, didn't win for best picture, I'm glad
Avatar won. It was a movie that not only blew me away but also changed 
the way I look at life. It's rare that a movie could dothat. Fantastic film. 
Fantastic director.