What The Hell Is This?

I woke up craving a little Viggo Mortensen in my life. I love him as an actor and he's not so bad to look at. So, needing a little Viggo every once in a while isn't a guilty pleasure it's a necessity. 

I went to Netflix in search of a good Viggo movie to get my day going, and one of the movies available for streaming was 28 Days. I'd never seen it, and I like Sandra Bullock. Everything seemed like win-win-win situation...boy was I wrong. 

First of all, it took way too long for Viggo to show up. The first 20 mins of the movie consisted of typical Sandra Bullock quirks and jokes that failed to amuse me at 6:30 in the morning. Then there was this guy in the movie that talked with the bottom row of his teeth...you know what I'm talking about! Don't pretend like you don't know about that ONE person you know that whenever they talk you can see the entire row of their bottom teeth, and the teeth be all yellow or crooked. Well, 28 Days had a guy just like that, and every time he spoke I saw the yellowness of the bottom row of his teeth. At first I thought he was just really into character, because it looked as if this guy hadn't flossed a day in his life. Then I thought about it, and I'm almost positive people are able to bring floss into rehab. Rehabilitation Centers might deprive you of a good time, but they're not going to force you into bad hygiene.

Then finally comes the scene where Sandra Bullock jumps her dumbass out of a window and fucks her leg up. I guess Viggo Mortensen is supposed to be the guy who saves her from herself. He's her great white Knight in blue jeans, and he looked damn good when he picked her up and carried her back into the rehab center.

In my honest opinion, that was the best part of the movie. I knew Bullock's character would see the light and stay sober. She's the protagonist and is supposed to be a source of inspiration for folk going through her fictional situation. But the one thing that I didn't see coming was the lack of Viggo in Sandra's sober life.

Why??????

After all the flirting, kissing, ball throwing, and bad Santa Cruz jokes, she doesn't end up with Viggo in the end. The movie ends with that goofy ass smile she always gives, I guess to indicate that things are all good and everything will be okay. But it's not okay without Viggo. In fact, you're even more fucked up without him.

I don't believe in computer violence, but this is one instance in which I wanted to throw my Toshiba out of the window. I quickly realized it wasn't Toshiba's fault so I calmed down. But for real Sandra...don't play with me! Don't promise me Viggo if you're not gonna fully deliver the Viggo! tease.

Pretty sure that it's obvious I'm not a fan of this movie. It's taken me 11 years to watch this movie and to be honest I could have waited a lifetime. However, I will get my Viggo fix soon (as well as my Fassbender's). David Cronenberg has heard my Viggo cries and decided to gratify my needs. 

This looks so good! 

R.I.P Dennis Hopper

May 17, 1936 – May 29, 2010

Live Blogging The Nilla Rilla's Nightline Interview

Alright Alright Alright Alright! Let the live blog posts begin:

1. Damn he thought Sandra Bullock was a bitch, well look at the pot calling the kettle black!
2. Why didn't Sandra just keep telling that mofo no!??? Always follow your first mind.
3. LAWD there goes that yup!
4. I don't know about the rest of the population but I really didn't like Sandra Bullock's Oscar dress...
5. Why does this bish have a tattoo on her forehead? How can he find that sexy?
6. Damn I didn't know 5 women actually slept with this dude...gross
7. LOL! John Krasinski's reaction at The Golden Globes was classic!
8. Why does his voice sound like that?
9. Commercial...
10. EWWWWW Jesse has man boobs
11. Shit now I feel bad...I hate that.
12. Damn now he's crying
13. Okay wait now I'm confused so you wanted to get caught screwing someone else? Is he saying that he instead of continuing the cycle of abuse to his children he continue to did it to himself...I guess I understand now.
14. Why do they keep showing pictures of that inkblot?
15. awwww a baby for christmas
16. Louis James isn't a good name...idunno it doesn't flow to well
17. Yes Ma'am?
18. Why the hell does he keep saying squint? And why does he say it like that?

Alright, so basically that's it. I thought it would be more, but no just a taste of the crazy. You know I have to say, I think I understand James and his reason behind doing what he does, but it doesn't make since to me as to why he would endanger someone else's life with the whole unprotected sex thing. Oh well, I'm just a voyeur in this whole Jesse is a cheater scandal. It's not up to Jesse to prove shit to me. Oh well that made my night. Good night!

The Nilla Rilla Thinks Nazis Are Funny!

Okay maybe in Inglorious Basterds but not after a sex scandal...

Yeah and I totally forgot to set my alarm for this, but I did manage to see the episode of Golden Girls that featured the young George Clooney. I'm not a Clooney stan, but he did look good in that episode. Besides I don't think I'm qualified to be a Clooney stan...I'm not 50+ years old, single, and over 200 lbs. Oh well! What was this post about again? Random...

The Nilla Rilla Says, "Yup!" Part 2

I know I really should be doing something productive with my life, but my fascination with this shiz just won't go away. I'm like a kid in a candy store!

The Nilla Rilla Says, "Yup!"

Alright so I'm assuming that The Nilla Rilla wants people to hear his side of the story, but I must say it's a little too late for that because I made up my mind and he has got to go...I told Sandra and she agreed. But in all seriousness, I had been avoiding this video like the plague. I'm officially over the whole Sandra Bullock is hurt situation, but something kept poking at me and poking at me to watch the clip and man am I glad I watched it. When The Nilla Rilla was asked if he cheated on his wife he responded, "Yup!" Boom! End of interview, right? Nope he goes on and on about being the most hated man in the world (you're not that important...forrealz) then starts the waterworks for pity. I don't know about the rest of the population but I don't feel sorry for him. Can't help it, my blackness won't allow me to feel anything for a Nazi Lovah! However I can say this...I am setting my alarm for this shiz on Tuesday. I have to! I want to know what other whozits and whatzits are going to come out of that pervy mouth of his. And I know I shouldn't admit this (lol! like is anyone really reading?) but I'm a little excited. Thank you Nilla Rilla for giving me something to look forward to next week.

UGH!!!! I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS!

But the Nilla Rilla speaks:

"My whole life has been full of hard decisions. The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart. Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life. I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come once again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves, and realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about. I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together."

 

Jacked from People

WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON???

My morning news usually consists of weather and a little celebrity gossip...but this is everything but little gossip. It's a big f*cking deal! Sandra Bullock is a mom. And no! I'm not talking about she's a mom because of the Nila Rilla and his gang. NO! This chick is a mom as in MOM MOM!

I seriously choked when I saw the above photo. I felt sick, then I realized I don't even know this bitch, so I straightened up my act. However, I couldn't help but think that this was a publicity stunt or The Blind Side part II, until I read the whole article on Dlisted. Sandra and her baby friend have been together since January of 2010. So it was way before her award winnings and the Nila Rilla's well documented flub ups:

"He's just perfect, I can't even describe him any other way," Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. "It's like he's always been a part of our lives."

Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars. Their close friends and family – including James's children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret.

Then, just 10 days after the March 7 Oscars, Bullock and James separated following reports James had cheated. Bullock says she is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent.

A rep for Bullock confirms the star filed legal papers seeking to end her marriage, but declines to specify in what jurisdiction they are filed. Says Bullock of her decision to divorce: "I'm sad and I am scared."

I guess, but she's Sandra freakin’ Bullock!!! Why the hell is she scared? Are there more secrets to come? Oh goodness, I hope not. I don't think my heart can take it.

*edit* I'm sure that hot b*tch Julia Roberts is mad that Sandra and her baby friend are stealing her beauty comeback...seriously People Magazine is still contributing to the insecurities of the world?

Sandra hurry up and divorce this dude already

Jesse James is contaminated with the nasties. GROSS! Why a man would screw something named Skittles is beyond me. I'm sure Skittles is a cute little nickname for scabies, which I'm sure this chick passed on to Jesse after their alleged foursome.

EWW! Right now even thinking of the name Jesse James makes my lady parts want to hide. Who knows what kind of power he has over women that make them want to go after him and change their name to some obscure randomly named object. If I ever fell under the spell of the Nilla Rilla (my name for him) I would probably be named the Choclit Hobbit...for obvious reasons.

But apparently the Nilla Rilla doesn't like my kind. There have been all kinds of reports of this Nilla being a Nazi sympathizer, of which I had to remind this fool that I was 100% sure that Hitler didn't like his ass, but I'm sure he doesn't care. He would rather surf on his swastika covered surf board and bang his tatted up Eva Braun than listen to me. Gross.

But whatever! I'm not the one with the jacked up name and hair line to match, so why do I care? Because I love train wrecks. They are delicious and so much fun to watch. If I could pick another celeb to go through the defamer process it would have be that annoying Kesha. What the f*ck is she? Is she a talker or a singer? I’m sure she was attempting to sing the lyrics to that God awful song, but I’m thinking she forgot them…I’m pretty sure no one wrote boys try to touch my junk. That was an ad lib sent from hell.

To end this post from the ADD section of my brain, I’ll begin with alerting my loyal legion of 1 of the Nilla Rilla’s enrollment into douche grad school, otherwise known as rehab. From my understanding only the douchies of the douches make it to this level and get worldwide recognition for their achievements. Mel Gibson, Rip Torn (goodness), Charlie Sheen, David Do-do head (can’t spell his name and no I don’t care to Google it!), and most recently Tiger Woods have all attended the Ivy Leagues of Douche Academies. I (the public) would like to congradulate (that's how it should be spelled for douches) Jesse James on his dedication on being the first asshole of the decade.

Picture stolen from tmz.com

Don't Ya'll Know Hitler Hated You?

So apparently there is some photo of Jesse James doing some kind of wackass Nazi salute that TMZ is dying to release (According to Crazy Days and Nights). UGH! I don't get it people. What the hell is the deal with all the Nazi shiz? Hitler didn't and wouldn't like your ass, so what's with the salutes?

I'm just sad that this whole Nazi thing is really going to make Sandra Bullock look German. I don't think that she's a racist, but if she is associated with a wannabe Nazi then what does that say about her? The photos were allegedly taken two years ago before the hooch even appeared. If Sandra didn't know her man was a Nazi then what else didn't she know about him? Damn I guess you really don't know a person...EVEN IF YOU LIVE WITH THEM!

This is just too much for me to handle. I tried to stay away from this shit even when I read about his side bitch having Neo-Nazi wet dreams, but this right here brought my curiosity back to life. It's gross! I mean I really felt sorry for Sandra because she had to put up with a lot INCLUDING THAT WACK ASS HAIR LINE! and now this. Ugh! I used to pray that this shit wasn't true, now I just pray for this to be over soon.

Dlisted is playing tricks on me

Just when I thought I had enough:

I now know the universe is against me!

Sandra and Jesse in their halloween costumes. I don't know what the hell she is (a bear?) but Jesse is a White (Vanilla) Gorilla. OMG MOFO!

photo stolen from: dlisted

What an assh*le!

"There's no surprise that my work got better when I met you. Because I never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back."

Sandra Bullock during her Oscar acceptance speech for The Blind Side

I know I shouldn't be getting too much into this but the lump in my throat is making me do it. Apparently Jesse told his skank that his marriage to Sandra was a sham for publicity. I always wondered why he did The Celebrity Apprentice and it turns out he's an attention whore. What a shame, because I now know I cried for nothing. F*cking prick!

And just when I thought it couldn't get worse there are rumors that the ex-wife is behind all of this. According to Ted Casablanca's gossip site: The Awful Truth, Jesse's ex-wife Janine Lindemulder is out for revenge. There was a big custody battle a few months ago with Lindemulder taking shots at Bullock's inability to have biological children, but James stepped right in and told that bish to shut it. Bullock and James now have full custody of Lindemulder's child with James and Lindemulder is understandably bitter about it, but if this is true this is some soap opera shiz. The more I learn about the scandal the dirtier and nastier the allegations get.

I have to take a long hot shower to free myself from all of this unfaithfulness. Hopefully when I'm done I won't care. However, I can't help it. It's stories like this that make me not want to get married. You think you're flying high and then BAM! something like this happens. Then I was thinking, maybe this is why some women and men agree to open relationships. Although I believe now that I could never do anything like this, I might meet someone one day who isn't willing to commit to only me, but we’re in love. I believe now that if someone couldn't be with me and only me then that someone just isn't for me, but when you’re in love you don’t think the same way . Things are cloudy with love and logical thinking is out the window. So opening up my relationship would diminish the need for the sneaky to around and text their side piece that their just think'n about me the day I move out of the house.

It makes you think, maybe Monique was onto something. I don't know if this will be my last post on this celebrity tomfoolery, but I do know that I'm going to sit back and watch it all go down. This is just the beginning, "majority" of the tea has barely been spilled.

The Vanilla Gorilla Breaks His Silence

Although he says that majority of the allegations are untrue and unfound he does admit to some wrong doing, but the damage is done. The couple that I just knew would work are no longer. Sandra quit this bitch and officially moved out of the home she shared with James.

Knowing that he effed up he released this statement:

"There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It's because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way. This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

I never understand why these people release public statements. I (the public) can just settle for a confirmed check yes, no, or maybe answer. It can go something like this: Did Jesse Cheat? with three little boxes and a check in the yes box.

I feel pain for Sandra though. This woman was just on stage a few days ago accepting her Oscar and talking about how much of a good man he is to her and now this. Dude you were crying. Hell you made me cry! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!

And no condoms. I think that's the one thing I have the biggest issue with. I don't believe in casual sex, but if there is ever an instance in which I do engage in such behavior...you better believe I'm making that mofo wear a condom. People are out here going raw like people ain't nasty. Not only did he make Sandra look like a fool but he put her health in danger. That's just so low.

Man I wish I knew Sandra personally. We would have to go looking for that bish. She's German and I'm for the south side, we can do some damage

THE SKANK HAS PROOF!

Just when I was starting to think that she was lying and that there was no truth to this at all, pictures of text message exchanges between her and the vanilla gorilla pop up. And now there are allegations that Sandra actually moved out of the house they shared two days ago. I can tell by the lump in my throat that I'm on the brink of a crying disaster. I just need to be by myself for a moment.

It's Getting Ugly

It looks like the rumor of Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock just might be true. According to People Magazine, Sandra will be a no show at The Blind Side London premiere. Her reason being her absence is due to "unforeseen personal reasons". That is code for: I'm currently beating the shit out of my vanilla gorilla.

I wrote the last post right before I had to go to class, and I was rushing back to a computer to see what was going on. I HOPE this isn't true. It would be kinda heartbreaking to know that you found out your husband was cheating on you while you were filming the movie that you won an Oscar for. I wouldn't be able to look at that thing again. The Oscar is cursed. I mean seriously. Kate Winslet and her dude of 7 years have recently split and she won the Best Actress Oscar last year. That thing is either tainted or selfish and I now know that I don't want one. He only wants the ladies to himself, and is willing to ruin vanilla flavors, smells, and colors in the process. I can't take this anymore. I need a drink.

*correction* the premiere has been canceled. Once again I HOPE this isn't true.

I just can't do this today

Okay so some woman is claiming that Jesse James has been slaying her for 11 months. She is also saying that he told her that he was leaving his wife. Okay...so anyone with half a brain would have known if Jesse James and Sandra Bullock were splitting up. It would have been all over the news and I'm sure the media would have tried to christen her the new Jennifer Chiniston. So I'm pretty sure this woman wants us to believe that she was living under a rock with occasional visits from Jesse James' paynus. I don't know about you, but I'm not buying it. I mean it's Sandra Bullock! Don't you know that Sandra kills people? Oh sure she's America's sweetheart, but the girl is German! Killing silly hoes is in her blood. Don't get it twisted.

I stopped reading the article after I read something about them meeting on FACEBOOK (really!) and  Jesse James being a "Vanilla Gorilla" because of the size of his donkey kong. It made me a little sick and I threw up in my mouth a little. I'll recover but the thought of Sandra Bullock having hot monkey sex is disturbing and will never go away. The mental images just won't stop! Gross...I really hope this isn't true.

*update* I was able to get through the rest of the article and the rumor is the "Vanilla Gorilla" is anti-condoms. I'm officially at a loss of words. I am PRAYING that this isn't true.

My Oscar Reflection...

I hope my Loyal Legion of 1 didn’t' think I was Miss Cleo or anything, because almost all of my Oscar picks were wrong! I had Precious practically winning everything, but a part of me knew that The Hurt Locker would be the big winner.

Kathryn Bigelow, first of all, wow! She looks like a freaking model! How the hell did James Cameron let her go? Okay Linda Hamilton was kick ass and had an amazing body in Terminator 2, but she was no Betty in the looks department. And forgive me Lord, but what was up with that dried up piece of skin from Titanic? I was like damn is that even the same person? I was honestly offended when I saw the youthful and beautiful Bigelow sitting near... Gollum. No seriously Gollum! James Cameron is married to Gollum.Don't believe me? Look at the picture for yourself, and try not to laugh. And don't worry he'll never read this so don't feel bad.

Although I wanted Gabby to win best actress, I was happy that it went to Sandra Bullock. I would have had a fit if Meryl "T-Bone" Streep would have walked off with another Oscar. I seriously got so tired of hearing her name the entire night. With all of the references to T-Bone and George Clooney I had had enough. Be gone with the best and let's bring on the bubbly! And that's why Sandra won.

I got a little misty when Sandra, during her acceptance speech, thanked her late mother. I have a rule, no one cries alone, and I was a boohooer at that very moment. I think the camera man knew this and insisted on showing a shot of Jesse James crying...okay that just about did it for me. I was seriously on the floor in tears. Goodness big men in tears do it to me every time! Every single time!

I have one question though...what the hell was up with that boobalicious dress that Charlize Theron had on? Her style has seriously gone former model turned actress turned charity case. I didn't even think she would be there. When I saw her head I was like cool she's beautiful as always...Then they showed the rest of her...

What the hell is that? I think she new I was having something like a shit day and wanted to cheer me up, because I laughed my ass off. As soon as Jay Manuel went silent on the red carpet special, I knew exactly what he was thinking. The entire world knew what he was thinking. In the words of lazy bloggers everywhere: WTF MOFO! Charlize thanks for thinking of your male demographic, but I'm pretty sure they know where your boobies are.

I honestly thought I had seen it all when Kanye bum rushed the stage and made the country princess in training cry, but this chick last night seriously took the cake. The director of  some film I had never heard of, went on stage to accept his award, and to recieve his moment of importance when this woman on the right, Elinor Burkett, stole his shine. Apparently there is some sort of beef between Burkett and the director Roger Ross Williams. To read more about it visit Dlisted, because it's way too much to get into right now. Just know that the drama isn't only for fiction.

I had way too many favorite Oscar moments, but I must say this: Gabby, because I know you're reading this, you looked lovely last night. I honestly believed you out bubbled Sandra, but that's another story. Not only did you make the red carpet memorable, you made the boring intro to the ceremony memorable.If your personality was porn it would be the money shot! Girl you are hilarious!

The Golden Globes

So Here I am, watching the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards. A show I have been watching just about every year that I've been alive. It's awards season, my favorite time of year.

Since I've been watching this grand gala for such a long time, I should know all of the over the top bullshit that I would have to witness but yet again those Hollywood Hooligans got me again.

This all in chronological order:

1) Meryl Streep vs. Meryl Streep

Come on give me a break. Given Meryl Streep is honestly and truly the world's greatest actress. She amazes me whenever she acts as though she doesn't know how fucking brilliant she is. She's up against herself and she's acting modest. Bitch you're your own competition! No one can beat you, but you.

edit: how could I not mention Mrs. Streep's new official name. T-Bone. Let's hear it for Meryl "T-Bone" Streep. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

2) Up in the Air wins over Inglorious Basterds for best original screenplay

I'm pretty sure, George Clooney has sold his soul to the devil because I saw Up In The Air, and I honestly didn't think it was all of that. I'm obviously on the side of Inglorious Basterds since I'm shocked the latter lost. Inglorious Basterds was not only a great movie but a fantasy film where the Jews finally win. How could the movie not win for best original screeplay?

3) Sophia Loren...

Where do I begin? How in the hell does this woman continue to look good? She's about 4 years older than my grandmother and looks damn good. I hate her. No explanation necessary.

4) Chloe Sevigny's ugly ass dress

Girl that dress wasn't all that. There was no reason for you to get all 
gangsta over that ugly ass dress. Just accept your award 
and shut up.

5) This year 30 Rock finally lost

But here's the kicker. They lost to Glee. A show that

a. I don't watch

b. It's on Fox

6) Ricky Gervais owning Mel Gibson.

The look on Gibson's face when he walked out to present

the award for best director was classic. He knew what he had done. He knew he had pissed offthe wrong people. And if you really want to know my

opinion, I honestly believe that his ass doesn't deserve a

second chance. Once is enough.

7) The Hollywood Foreign Press=Frat 
Love


Who would have even thought The Hangover would even be nominated for any award, let

alone a GG. Not to say the Hollywood Foreign Press always makes good 
decisions, but there is someone within that organization that finally did. 
Or maybe, just maybe Bradley Cooper

slept with the head to get ahead...okay now I'm just rambling.

Although my favorite, Precious, didn't win for best picture, I'm glad
Avatar won. It was a movie that not only blew me away but also changed 
the way I look at life. It's rare that a movie could dothat. Fantastic film. 
Fantastic director.