FINALLY!!! The Theatrical Trailer For Shame

This took entirely too long to come out. December is approaching to fucking slow. I can't wait!

No Dangerous Methods For Me

First of all I would like to say: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

Seriously! For why can't things ever go my way for once? It's seriously like the gods of good times look down on me and laugh their asses off whenever I attempt to have just that.

For two weeks life has sucked for me. I reallyed need a pick me up, so I decided to check out what was going on with the Chicago International Film Festival. Ever since I moved back to Chicago, it had always been my intention to attend the film festival, but for some reason I was never able to go. So instead of waiting on people to go with me, I went on my own to go pick up tickets for Monday night's viewing of A Dangerous Method. I've mentioned before that I really wanted to see this movie. When I saw this I can honestly say this was the first time I smiled in two weeks. I felt lucky!

However, it was very unlucky for me that I was driving downtown right after work and couldn't find anywhere to park, so I had to park in the venue's expensive ass parking lot: $12 FOR 30 MINUTES! I reasoned by telling myself it was for a good cause. A Dangerous Method? Cronenberg, Mortensen, and Fassbender in one movie? I would have paid anything my account would have allowed me to pay on those tickets.

Alright, so here's what happened: I go to the venue, find the right line to purchase the tickets, tell the cashier what I want to see, when I want to see it, and how many people were coming with me (I was forcing my two of my favorite companions to see what I'm sure is a quality flick), and the cashier (in his  douchiest nicest possible voice) tells me that the show is all sold out. I freak out and tell him to check again. I know it was one of the most anticipated shows at the film festival, but I don't believe in "no", so I told him to check again. He did. There weren't anymore tickets available, and I swear that was the longest walk back to my car. I had my head down, arms swinging, and that lump in my throat started to get tighter and tighter. I was thisclose to crying. Then it dawned on me: I JUST SPENT $12 FOR 5 MINUTES OF PARKING...no fair!

Oh well! I know I'll see it eventually...

Dah-Roooooollllll

Everlasting obsession: Men with accents!

What The Hell Is This?

I woke up craving a little Viggo Mortensen in my life. I love him as an actor and he's not so bad to look at. So, needing a little Viggo every once in a while isn't a guilty pleasure it's a necessity. 

I went to Netflix in search of a good Viggo movie to get my day going, and one of the movies available for streaming was 28 Days. I'd never seen it, and I like Sandra Bullock. Everything seemed like win-win-win situation...boy was I wrong. 

First of all, it took way too long for Viggo to show up. The first 20 mins of the movie consisted of typical Sandra Bullock quirks and jokes that failed to amuse me at 6:30 in the morning. Then there was this guy in the movie that talked with the bottom row of his teeth...you know what I'm talking about! Don't pretend like you don't know about that ONE person you know that whenever they talk you can see the entire row of their bottom teeth, and the teeth be all yellow or crooked. Well, 28 Days had a guy just like that, and every time he spoke I saw the yellowness of the bottom row of his teeth. At first I thought he was just really into character, because it looked as if this guy hadn't flossed a day in his life. Then I thought about it, and I'm almost positive people are able to bring floss into rehab. Rehabilitation Centers might deprive you of a good time, but they're not going to force you into bad hygiene.

Then finally comes the scene where Sandra Bullock jumps her dumbass out of a window and fucks her leg up. I guess Viggo Mortensen is supposed to be the guy who saves her from herself. He's her great white Knight in blue jeans, and he looked damn good when he picked her up and carried her back into the rehab center.

In my honest opinion, that was the best part of the movie. I knew Bullock's character would see the light and stay sober. She's the protagonist and is supposed to be a source of inspiration for folk going through her fictional situation. But the one thing that I didn't see coming was the lack of Viggo in Sandra's sober life.

Why??????

After all the flirting, kissing, ball throwing, and bad Santa Cruz jokes, she doesn't end up with Viggo in the end. The movie ends with that goofy ass smile she always gives, I guess to indicate that things are all good and everything will be okay. But it's not okay without Viggo. In fact, you're even more fucked up without him.

I don't believe in computer violence, but this is one instance in which I wanted to throw my Toshiba out of the window. I quickly realized it wasn't Toshiba's fault so I calmed down. But for real Sandra...don't play with me! Don't promise me Viggo if you're not gonna fully deliver the Viggo! tease.

Pretty sure that it's obvious I'm not a fan of this movie. It's taken me 11 years to watch this movie and to be honest I could have waited a lifetime. However, I will get my Viggo fix soon (as well as my Fassbender's). David Cronenberg has heard my Viggo cries and decided to gratify my needs. 

This looks so good! 

Review: X-Men First Class *THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS*

It feels like it took me forever to see this movie, but it was so worth the wait. Like I do with every review, I'll tell you right now that I loved it. I loved the action. I loved the acting. I loved the characters. I loved this movie. 

Before I get into why I love this film, I have to give a little bit of the plot away. Erik Lehnsherr is going around the world killing people to avenge the death of his mother. On one of his missions he meets Charles Xavier, who tries his hardest to convince Erik to use his powers for good vs. his normal evil routine. Also during this time, two of the worlds most powerful superpowers are close to the edge of a nuclear war (read a history book if you don't know who these superpowers are!!!) and it is discovered that the instigator in the middle of it all is the same man (also a mutant) who murdered Erik's mother. The CIA recruits Erik and Charles who also recruit a young group of powerful mutants to aid in demolishing the pending nuclear war. Now the group consists of Havok, Mystique, Angel, Hank McCoy (who we all know turns out to be Beast), Banshee, and Darwin.

The story of First Class kind of strays away from majority of anything I've ever learned about the X-Men, but it was very entertaining. I was never once disappointed or bored with what I was watching, because the movie moved at a fast pace. There was only one moment that I felt I had been in the theater forever because so much had happened, but when I checked my phone only an hour had passed. That's how jam packed with action the movie is. 

Now onto the acting. How could I not mention Michael Fassbender? The man is a beast and I love him for it. It's kind of hard to believe that this time two years ago he was only known amongst Euro-indie heads and fangirls (like me because he's sooooo dreamy!), and now the whole world knows who he is. He made the character of Erik Lehnsherr his bitch and played it slightly better than Sir Ian McKellen...Yeah I said it!

Kevin Bacon is in this film too. That alone confirms my belief that bacon does in fact make everything better. Nuff said. 

Now on to the things that I did not like:

1. Professor Charles Xavier...what the hell is his problem? I have seriously been asking myself this question since I was five years old. Does he not see what the hell is going on? How many times does this fool have to get knocked in the head by the rock of human ignorance before he finally sees? I've always been more of a Magneto fan than a Professor X fan (for obvious reasons), so maybe that's why I can't understand why he is so willing to put his life on the line for mankind. Although the character was well played by James McAvoy, I began to get more and more irritated by him as a whole. For real dude? Bombs dude. BOMBS!!!
2. January Jones...They had this chick posted all over the place like she was going to be all up and through the movie, but she was maybe in it for all of 10 mins. That of which she did appear I wished she would have kept her mouth closed. Seriously! A model could have done her job and probably would have looked better and done a much better job than she did. Dry ass! LOL! But how the hell would I know? Whenever she was on screen all I kept looking at was that overly padded bra in 60s gear. I kept thinking about how she looked just like the fembots from the Austin Powers films. I just knew that crocked tooth bastard was going to pop out and ask her if she was randy and wanted to shag.
3. Rose Bryne...Another person that was poorly cast. I like Rose, but why was she there if they were going to stifle her for the complete second half of the movie. I totally forgot she was there until Professor X asked her a question while the X-Men were aboard a plane. I thought oh there she is...what's her name again? Totally forgettable. Such a shame, but for real...what was her character's name?
4. John F. Kennedy. Why the hell couldn't this man talk? Who the hell says "Cubar"? Boston accents. Ugh!

Aside from the last 4 flubs, this movie definitely isn't Wolverine. Far from it. I hope that this movie erases the memory of the last X-Men fuck up from people's minds. I also hope the loyal legion listens to me when I say go see this film. It's a good one. Trust me. You'll enjoy it and its cameos....

Well that's it. That's my conclusion. That's all I got. I wish I could come up with something more clever, but I've been up since 6am and my eyelids are getting heavy.

Yes ANOTHER Video

X-Men: First Class comes out next week, and I seriously cannot contain myself. I'm not sure what I will do to celebrate the release of this new X-Men film, but since I have the entire day of June 3rd off, I'm sure I'll think of something. 

Do the White Sox play that day?

Anyway, I was on the internet (kinda minding my own business) when a member of the loyal legion emailed me (thank you!) this video of the X-Men: First Class cast on the Today show. It's a cute little clip with Michael Fassbender mentioning that he wished he had a tail to hold his beverage while he typed on the computer. Although it didn't make much sense, I still giggled like a school girl.

I also learned that the film's premiere was held in NYC last night. Once I took a glimpse at the premiere photos, I noticed that the Fassbender looks like a huge douche with blonde hair and that damn cigarette. That was the moment my crush officially died.

Aside from losing a crush and finally being within a week of X-Men bliss, I got a chance to read some of the reviews about the film. Majority of them were positive, while some...not so flattering. However, I'm going to keep an open mind for the next week and not let those critics opinions influence me. I'm almost sure I'll see a film 10x better than that shit-fest X-Men Origins: Wolverine...God I hope so!

pic snatched from popsugar

While The World Is Ending...

I'll be watching Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Now I wrote about this new film way back when. What I had to say was negative and flat out rude, and I have come here to let the loyal legion know ideas can change and I will actually be seeing this 4th installment. 

I have a feeling that I will actually enjoy the fourth one. And if I don't? You know I'll be more than happy to share my review with my loyal legion.

 

The Experience and Review of I Will Follow

The first time I heard of this movie, was on the way to the AMC movie theater in Country Club Hills, IL. Driving from my house in Chicago to a theater way out in the boonies was nothing out of the ordinary. My mother and I used to venture out to that theater when we lived in Lansing, IL, but it was the first time we had to go out far to see a specific movie. It is a real shame that the AMC theaters closest to my home didn't have this movie's name upon their marquee, but it I'm glad because it has finally opened my eyes to how people treat a black independent film vs. a white independent film. 

Just last week, I told my loyal legion about going to see Jane Eyre at my local AMC theater. I was supposed to see I Will Follow, that same day, but the distances between the two theaters made me just want to go home. However, since I drug my mother to see Jane Eyre, I promised her I would see this movie. 

I honestly thought she was speaking of the movie Limitless. Then she mentioned Sallie Richardson-Whitfield promoting the film on the radio, and I realized the only thing these movies had in common was the fact that they were both movies and nothing more. 

Things weren't looking so good when we arrived to the theater and was told that movie was showing wayyyyyyy in the back of the venue, where they usually show movies that don't do so good in box office sales (I saw that God awful 10,000 B.C. in that same show room). I believe my exact word was, "Damn!", when we finally reached show room #5. I was surprised to see the crowd of people, maybe they had heard Sallie on the radio too. 

The movie started and I was intrigued. This is not a happy film. It is a movie showing people at low times of selfishness, weakness, and bitterness. I often get annoyed with movies that start off sad without any explanation, but I soon found out that this wasn't a movie that was supposed to linger on the sad elements. It's about growth. 

I will not give a synopsis of this movie, out of fear of giving the movie away. However, I will say you will like this movie. It's not a film that will come right out and say what it's about, but if the audience sticks with it from beginning to end (and understand the many U2 and other musical references) they will see what I saw: A great movie.

Last week, during my review of Jane Eyre, I cursed the creators of modern movie technology. The current trend of CGI's big budgeted movie magic has made it difficult for movies like I Will Follow (also starring Michole Briana White, Tracie Thoms, Blair Underwood, and Beverly Todd) to succeed at the box office. I also said that the former reliability of "word of mouth" was dead and gone. I was proven wrong by seeing this movie. This is a film which popularity has grown because of word of mouth, and I'm hoping to help it grow even bigger.

Trust me when I say, Great acting + Great script = Great movie.

Now that's how it's supposed to be.

Review: Jane Eyre

I hate when I read movie reviews and it takes the critic three paragraphs to explain to the reader that they loved a movie. So I'll start off by saying that I liked this movie.

I'm not going to lie, I seriously felt that this movie might actually be a waste of time and money; especially since I had attempted to read the book and fell into a deep slumber every time. I'm glad I stuck with my initial plan to see this movie on its opening weekend. I believe that if I had waited too long then the memory of what I had read would have left me, and I would have blindly gone into this experience...and I don't like to do that at all. 

Synopsis: Jane Eyre is basically the story of a young woman who had to struggle her entire life. She was orphaned at a young age, brought up by a bitch of an aunt, sent off to a shady ass boarding school for being "too difficult to manage"; then when she was too old to be there, she became the governess at some big ass house out in the middle of nowhere for a little girl that didn't know a word of English.

A real hard-knock life...

The one thing that I loved about the character of Jane Eyre (I also noticed this when I read the book) is that she never appeared to act as if she was a victim. She stood up for herself and hardly, if ever, cried over spilled milk. She was never the damsel. 

The actress that played Jane, Mia Wasikowska, was in a word: awesome. I loved her, and looked forward to seeing more of her whenever she left the screen.

Since seeing this movie this past Saturday, I took to seeing two of the many adaptations of this book. Although I love Samantha Morton (1997 adaptation) and the 1996 adaptation with Charlotte Gainsbourg and Anna Paquin, I must say that Wasikowska's version of Jane was more believable. Wasikowska's Jane was youthful in both age and looks, where the other women barely came close to looking the part. I don't think Samantha  Morton ever looked 19 years old even when she was 19 years old, but who can blame her for trying.

While living in that big ass house in the middle of nowhere, Jane meets the master of the house, Mr. Rochester. In the beginning, I'm sure the audience is not supposed to like him, but I immediately loved him...blame it on the casting. Michael Fassbender as Mr. Rochester is the only reason why I took my ass to the theater in the first place. The moment his face graced the screen, me and the other 20 women sitting in the theater gasped simultaneously. He is just...so beautiful, even though I'm almost sure Mr. Rochester is described as butt ass ugly in the book, but I'm not complaining.

Fassbender's portrayal of Mr. Rochester was very good. Compared to the other actors I've seen, the overacting and over brooding wasn't necessary, and he played the character true to his own original style. It was just right. 

However, there were some moments that had me thinking what the hell is going on. For example, the chemistry between Wasikowska and Fassbender never appeared. I was waiting for there to be an obvious spark, but nothing. The only moment that I felt that there was a little something between the two characters, was when Rochester creepily watched Jane sleep after she saved him from a fire. Then came that God awful marriage proposal...I'm not sure about my loyal legion, but if someone is head over heels in love with me and wants to marry me, he is going to have to do a little bit better than calling me a "strange and most unearthly thing" before he pops the question. I'm not fond of being called anything other than my name during a marriage proposal.

Like any other book turned movie, there are a lot of differences. There are a lot of characters and moments that I saw as crucial in the novel that weren't mentioned in the movie. However, to be honest, they weren't missed.

I wished the movie could have gone on a little longer, especially after I warmed up to the idea of Jane and Rochester being together, but a four hour movie would have been to much for some. 

Like I said before, I liked this movie. I will recommended it to people I know; the only downside is no one I know would want to see this movie. Damn you CGI, you have officially ruined the effect of word of mouth. 

War of the Gargantuas

I'm not sure about my loyal legion, but I grew up watching movies like Foxy Brown, Coffy, Cleopatra Jones, Enter The Dragon, Fist of Fury, Master of the Flying Guillotine, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Super Fly, Shaft, The One Armed Boxer, and Cotton Comes To Harlem. 

I would honestly sit in front of my television and watch these movies so much that I'm positive I know every line to just about every one of the movies listed above. 

Sometimes I find myself sitting at work humming the entire theme to Enter The Dragon or making the sound effects from Master of the Flying Guillotine. However, there are some things that I would love to banish from my brain forever. 

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I kept singing the words to a song that was in The War of the Gargantuas, which stands as the worst movie I've EVER seen. 

I still can't understand why in the middle of a horror movie, the creators of this film thought it would be a good idea for a musical number to be had, but it's there. I also can't understand how and why someone would write such a shit song to be heard by millions (I know I'm over exaggerating...hundreds), but it was written. I will also never understand why, at such an important time for sleep, I had this song stuck in my head, but it was there. 

I've only seen this movie once, but I still remember that most unsavory song.

Trevor Is The Daddy!!!

I've heard about this movie for a while, and now I've finally seen the trailer. I'm so excited to see this! I love Paula Patton. She's so pretty, and I like looking at her more than that over used Halle Berry. I'm also excited to see Brian Stokes Mitchell. You know! Trevor from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Jumping The Broom in theaters May 8, 2011.

LAZY SNOW DAY!!!

For those of you who don't know (or who don't watch the news), Chicago just went through one of the worst snow storms in history. I was right in the middle of it all when I got off of work last night at about 7:30pm. The quickest and easiest route to my home was blocked, so instead of taking 15 mins to get home, it took me a whole 3 hrs and some change to make it. 

It was so cold last night, I thought my body was going to freeze, fall, and crack into a million pieces on the frozen concrete (like the T-1000 scene from Terminator II).  

I was lucky enough not to have to work today! And what did I do? Not a damn thing.

I normally feel like shit when I'm not productive, but today was wonderful. I had dreams where I was a being productive (I think), but every time I opened my eyes I smiled knowing that I hadn't left the comfort and warmth of my bed.

The only time I got up was to see how the snow had swallowed my car. Not one part of it shows, and that's good since I forgot to take my radio out. 

It's really not much to write about today, but I had to post something. I read an email from one of the loyal legion, stating that she hates when I don't post. Sorry, but today is just one of those days, but I made an exception just for you. Thank you.

AHHHHHHH!

I really don't like when you find out things about yourself...in front of a lot of people. I just learned last night, at approx. 10:30 pm, that I can't skate to save my life. 

A friend of mine invited me out last night to go skating with her and some co-workers. Since I haven't seen her since my trip to California, I was down. I missed her a lot and I also thought it would give us a chance to catch up on lost time. 

When I showed up to the roller rink, I saw my friend on the practice stage that's usually occupied by little kids. I laughed at her because even when I was learning how to skate I wouldn't have even been caught dead on that thing. It was embarrassing, and I pretended not to know her until she spotted me. 

Once the skates were on my feet and my items were locked away in a locker, I was confident that all the skating I did between 1996-2003 would show. BOY WAS I WRONG.

As soon as I started moving I almost broke my neck. It's kinda strange. You feel like you're going to fall. You feel like you're gliding. You feel like you're flying. I said it was strange!

For someone who once owned the greatest pair of white and pink roller skates, I was straight embarrassed to even go out on the floor; but I did it anyway. That's when I saw that practice makes perfect! My friend was better than me. She could skate backwards (something I could never do), and she never wobbled. However, I webble wobbled my ass around the entire rink for six laps until I had enough. 

I was quick, I was fast, but not good. The other skaters have obviously been skating since birth, since most of them skated so good, it was a shame that my friend and I decided to even show up. 

It was like Roll Bounce (which was filmed up the street from my high school home... so embarrassed!), ATL, and Whip It all rolled into one. I had never seen anything like it before. It would seem as if these people were professional skaters. I'm sure they have regular jobs, but when it came to skating...they knew their shit. 

Needless to say, I will probably never go skating again. I've had enough embarrassment to last me two months.

Coming Attractions!

I'm so excited to see this movie. I never used to like period pieces but it's something about this movie that screams Michael Fassbender. Maybe because he's going to be in it...yeah that's it!

I'm currently reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, and I feel so dumb. It's like every other word requires that I use a dictionary to solve the old-school word riddles. I just started reading the book on Friday, and with me having to work on projects, clean my room, and catch up on sleep; I think me being on chapter 3 is pretty darn impressive.

Hopefully by March 11, 2011 I will no longer feel like an ignorant fool, because the movie and the book seem pretty good. 

pic snatched from MF tumblrfan

Two Movies I loved...

And probably won't be nominated for anything. They were independent films but does that mean  no one saw them. I don't know anyone who has, but I'm sure if movie-goers were to give these movies a chance they would seriously love them. 

Fish Tank: I saw this movie shortly after I read about it winning the Jury Prize at The Cannes Film Festival. If you don't know what that means just know this, it's pretty much a big deal. I didn't know much about it, all I knew was that hot piece Michael Fassbender was in it, and that was enough for me. If anyone doesn't know who Fassbender is, he's the hot one in 300 that uttered the unforgettable line "Then we shall fight in the shade."

I followed Fassbender's career to the film Hunger, about the 1981 Irish Hunger Strike. His role as Bobby Sands was fantastically disturbing. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie, there were just some things one should never EVER see on film. EVER!

Fassbender, in Fish Tank, played the role of Conner. He's Mia Williams', played by Katie Jarvis, mother's new boyfriend. Conner comes off as a very nice guy who genuinely wants to become a part of Mia's troubled family. He seems to want to help her however, he's the one that needs help.

I honestly saw this movie being the one would blind side Hollywood. I would have never thought that it would have been Sandra Bullock and her Blind Side that would have everyone captivated. And for the record, I've seen The Blind Side, and Remember The Titans was better.

The second movie that I just knew would get some buzz was The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. I love this movie. It's funny, has a great cast, and has a plot that I can actually follow. The film follows Pippa, the young wife of an aging publisher, who has just moved into a retirement home. After reflecting on her dysfunctional life, Pippa realizes her self-worth.

The movie, written and directed by Rebecca Miller, stars Robin Wright, Blake Lively, Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves, Alan Arkin, Mark Binder, Maria Bello, Monica Bellucci, and Julianne Moore. The cast alone made me want to see the movie. They are all actors that I love, and I was really excited to see Robin Wright in a role other than Jenny. I know she has been in other movies since Forrest Gump, but she will always be Jenny Curran to me.

Pippa Lee, has gotten some attention, but not enough to get it an Oscar nomination. I'm pretty sure we all know by now that The Oscars are complete bullshit, but it's still fun to watch.

The best movies I've seen in 2009 in a nutshell:

Precious

The Hangover

500 Days of Summer

The Private Lives of Pippa Lee

Inglorious Basterds (also starring Michael Fassbender)

Fish Tank

Avatar

The Princess Frog

The Worst and I do mean absolute WORST! Zombieland and I challenge anyone on that one.