What The Hell Is This?

I woke up craving a little Viggo Mortensen in my life. I love him as an actor and he's not so bad to look at. So, needing a little Viggo every once in a while isn't a guilty pleasure it's a necessity. 

I went to Netflix in search of a good Viggo movie to get my day going, and one of the movies available for streaming was 28 Days. I'd never seen it, and I like Sandra Bullock. Everything seemed like win-win-win situation...boy was I wrong. 

First of all, it took way too long for Viggo to show up. The first 20 mins of the movie consisted of typical Sandra Bullock quirks and jokes that failed to amuse me at 6:30 in the morning. Then there was this guy in the movie that talked with the bottom row of his teeth...you know what I'm talking about! Don't pretend like you don't know about that ONE person you know that whenever they talk you can see the entire row of their bottom teeth, and the teeth be all yellow or crooked. Well, 28 Days had a guy just like that, and every time he spoke I saw the yellowness of the bottom row of his teeth. At first I thought he was just really into character, because it looked as if this guy hadn't flossed a day in his life. Then I thought about it, and I'm almost positive people are able to bring floss into rehab. Rehabilitation Centers might deprive you of a good time, but they're not going to force you into bad hygiene.

Then finally comes the scene where Sandra Bullock jumps her dumbass out of a window and fucks her leg up. I guess Viggo Mortensen is supposed to be the guy who saves her from herself. He's her great white Knight in blue jeans, and he looked damn good when he picked her up and carried her back into the rehab center.

In my honest opinion, that was the best part of the movie. I knew Bullock's character would see the light and stay sober. She's the protagonist and is supposed to be a source of inspiration for folk going through her fictional situation. But the one thing that I didn't see coming was the lack of Viggo in Sandra's sober life.

Why??????

After all the flirting, kissing, ball throwing, and bad Santa Cruz jokes, she doesn't end up with Viggo in the end. The movie ends with that goofy ass smile she always gives, I guess to indicate that things are all good and everything will be okay. But it's not okay without Viggo. In fact, you're even more fucked up without him.

I don't believe in computer violence, but this is one instance in which I wanted to throw my Toshiba out of the window. I quickly realized it wasn't Toshiba's fault so I calmed down. But for real Sandra...don't play with me! Don't promise me Viggo if you're not gonna fully deliver the Viggo! tease.

Pretty sure that it's obvious I'm not a fan of this movie. It's taken me 11 years to watch this movie and to be honest I could have waited a lifetime. However, I will get my Viggo fix soon (as well as my Fassbender's). David Cronenberg has heard my Viggo cries and decided to gratify my needs. 

This looks so good! 

WTF???

I learned a long time ago not to listen to celebrities. Majority of the time, whatever flies out of their mouths is either complete bullshit, lies, or just plain stupid. However, I never for the life of me thought that I would read what I just read over at Dlisted. 

Apparently Elle magazine was interested in will.i.am's love life, and wanted to know about what turns him on or off. Personally, I wouldn't give two fucks about what will.i.am likes or dislikes when it comes to women (especially since everything about his personal appearance makes my lady parts want to run for the hills), but since Dlisted posted what he said I decided to take a look:

ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?

W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?

W: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.”

Okay so let me get this straight. If a woman has a condom anywhere near her, she's tacky? 

I don't understand what is so tacky about making sure trolls like will.i.am have condoms, just in case something happens. I guess he is into the whole "let me get into her mind" game, so when it comes to that, they won't have to have to use a condom because they're so in love...wtf? Now that's tacky. 

With the rising cases of STD and teen pregnancy, I can't believe he said something like that; especially a man who lives in herpes' favorite city. Hell, I applaud any woman who is smart enough to protect herself. It clearly shows maturity and cleanliness. I'm not sure what kind of women this dude likes, but if that's the way he likes them (clueless and unprotected) then he'll learn his lesson. 

I love how he doesn't fully explain why he doesn't like for his lady friends to own condoms, but he goes into great detail about how he likes his women to own baby wipes.

W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.

If that ain't the most ass backwards shit. 

So owning a box of condoms is tacky, but talking about smearing chocolate on the floor isn't. LOL!

I am seriously convinced you have to be a fucking idiot to be famous. 

story snatched from dlisted

I Saw Tossed Salad Man Last Night!!!

Now when I saw him last night, I wasn't paying him or his buddy any attention. However, the situation looked relatively normal. They were waiting for an elevator at my job when I approached. 

Tossed Salad Man kept looking at me in a strange way, and when I got irritated I looked at him and I'm pretty sure my face turned white. It only took me seconds to recognize him. It was no sense in denying that I was scared as hell. I ran away so fast and unsmoothly (that's not a word). I'm pretty sure he knew that I knew he was Tossed Salad Man. 

The story of Tossed Salad Man is a horrible one. I don't like to retell it, but I'll watch it whenever I feel mischievous. I have to remind myself that if I get into trouble I might go to jail, and if I go to jail, I might have to do something that I really don't want to do. 

I hope I never have to see this man again. 

Even Chris Rock knows about Tossed Salad Man:

Tossed Salad Man has the same effect on me as Fleece "Booty Warrior" Johnson has on me

Why get married?

I work with married couples registering for much needed wedded items to fill their first matrimonial homes at a major department store. When I first got the job, people were telling me that brides are the worst in the world to work with; then I started to encounter one too many dreaded, verbally abusive, arrogant, asshole grooms-to-be. 

Just two days ago I had what seemed like a lovely couple register with me. Then came the tour of the home store when the bride-to-be asked a question about flatwear (forks & spoons). I didn't think it was stupid, but it obviously pissed the groom-to-be off so much that he called her a "fucking idiot" and told her to "use her fucking brain for once". At that moment, my body tensed up and I got flushed with rage. If she is so fucking stupid why the hell is he marrying her?

I, surprisingly, shut my mouth and kept on talking like I didn't hear a word, but when I looked back to the bride-to-be she was crying. I'm not sure if she was crying because of what he said to her (since I'm sure he spoke to her like that on the regular) or if she was embarrassed. I asked her if she was okay and if she wanted me to give her some tissue, she said no and told me to continue. So I did. I'm not going to feel sorry for someone who stays in that kind of a situation.

So why am I posting this? Because I'm angry. I'm angry that majority of the women I deal with would rather be married to an asshole than have self-respect. Is being married that important that you would allow yourself to be disrespected and abused verbally, mentally, or physically?

Which brings me to a bride who had just gotten married and wanted to purchase the remaining items on  her registry. I began helping her complete the registry, when her husband showed up and completely took over and told her what she should buy, how she should purchase them, and where they should go. I normally appreciate when a man takes charge (it's what I look for in a partner), but not in a way that is so over-bearing and abrasive that it's a complete turn off. The only men that I know who participate in such behavior are insecure men out to prove a point, and I absolutely hate insecure men. 

So anyway, to make a long story short, it came time to change the address on the registry, because like most couples they had now moved into their matrimonial homes and vacated their former pads. The bride wanted to change the address to the Chicago address instead of leaving the former Peoria address as the shipping address although she was still receiving mail and wedding gifts at that location. The groom, said no! because the whole process was taking a long time and he wanted to go home (why didn't he just go home in the first place? We were doing just fine before he showed up!). They started to go back and forth even after I told them that I could easily change the address on the registry. He yelled, "No!" And kicked her as hard as he could in the shin. After that she agreed that whatever he said was best. 

After dealing with some of these people, I am so turned off by the mere mention of marriage. It's situations like this that tarnish the once beautiful notion of two people spending the rest of their lives together. If this is what marriage is, then I don't want it. I rather be alone than someone's dog.