Shame Review Coming Soon

But until then, the Michael Fassbender song:

Vintage Hotness

December 2 is way too long of a wait

But this shit available now!

jacked from Simone

FINALLY!!! The Theatrical Trailer For Shame

This took entirely too long to come out. December is approaching to fucking slow. I can't wait!

An Educational Moment: Spike Lee

Getting Ready For The Weekend...

Updates coming 10/17/2011

jacked from a fangbanger

No Dangerous Methods For Me

First of all I would like to say: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

Seriously! For why can't things ever go my way for once? It's seriously like the gods of good times look down on me and laugh their asses off whenever I attempt to have just that.

For two weeks life has sucked for me. I reallyed need a pick me up, so I decided to check out what was going on with the Chicago International Film Festival. Ever since I moved back to Chicago, it had always been my intention to attend the film festival, but for some reason I was never able to go. So instead of waiting on people to go with me, I went on my own to go pick up tickets for Monday night's viewing of A Dangerous Method. I've mentioned before that I really wanted to see this movie. When I saw this I can honestly say this was the first time I smiled in two weeks. I felt lucky!

However, it was very unlucky for me that I was driving downtown right after work and couldn't find anywhere to park, so I had to park in the venue's expensive ass parking lot: $12 FOR 30 MINUTES! I reasoned by telling myself it was for a good cause. A Dangerous Method? Cronenberg, Mortensen, and Fassbender in one movie? I would have paid anything my account would have allowed me to pay on those tickets.

Alright, so here's what happened: I go to the venue, find the right line to purchase the tickets, tell the cashier what I want to see, when I want to see it, and how many people were coming with me (I was forcing my two of my favorite companions to see what I'm sure is a quality flick), and the cashier (in his  douchiest nicest possible voice) tells me that the show is all sold out. I freak out and tell him to check again. I know it was one of the most anticipated shows at the film festival, but I don't believe in "no", so I told him to check again. He did. There weren't anymore tickets available, and I swear that was the longest walk back to my car. I had my head down, arms swinging, and that lump in my throat started to get tighter and tighter. I was thisclose to crying. Then it dawned on me: I JUST SPENT $12 FOR 5 MINUTES OF PARKING...no fair!

Oh well! I know I'll see it eventually...

Life's Little Funny Moments

I was at work one day when a girl walked past me. I see this girl all the time, but for some reason it was on this day that I decided to really look at her. I noticed that she was a pretty girl, but her face was covered up with so many layers of makeup it was hard to determine if it was really her face I thought was pretty or something she just sort of created. I also noticed that she was tall with a very nice figure. It was obvious that she wanted people to notice her figure by the way she dressed (she actually wears 3in heels to work), and by the way she walked as if she were some kind of modern day Mae West. 

Any other day I would see this type of behavior as ridiculous, but that day I was jealous. You see, this guy I had a crush on always watched her. In fact, I think it was the highlight of his day to watch her faux-sultry walk and her extensions as they went by. And there I was with little to no makeup and my short shit stance just waiting for him to look my way. Of course I was jealous... it could have been a goat that walked by, I would have been just as jealous of that goat if he looked at it like he looked at her.

It was the end of my shift, so I had to head to the elevator to go home. I waited there at the closed elevator doors for what seemed like forever. Forever got even longer when I heard her foot steps behind me. I looked in her direction and there she was Mae-Westing her ass toward me while texting. This time I noticed she had on sunglasses...inside...sunglasses inside. Ridiculous, but anyway, she sashayed her hips from east to Mae West (PUN!) and played with her hair like there was some kind of invisible wind machine that turned this mediocre situation into some high fashion editorial piece.

Although my crush was now nowhere in sight, I still felt incredibly invisible. How could I compete with someone who mastered the art of walking and texting? Anyone who knows me personally knows that the only thing I could ever do while walking is breathe. I can barely change the music on my iPod without tripping, and if you send me a text while I'm walking you might receive 'OK' as a response regardless of the statement or question being asked.

So what was it about this moment that had to be blogged? Well there I was feeling low when she walked past me. Now let me remind you: I'm standing facing the elevators. Then *BAM* this MTV House of Style reject walks face first into the elevator doors. She flips out. She curses. She looks at me then back to the elevator doors as if we plotted the entire scenario together. With her makeup all smeared she says to me, "Weren't these doors just open?"

I could have died. Never in my 24 years on this Earth could I see that one coming. It was like Christmas, New Years, and my 21st birthday all rolled into one. Simply epic.


How can the fairy collective surprise the sin? There was no one there to witness this moment. I was a little bummed because whenever I trip, fall, or make an ass out of myself there is always someone there to document it and store in their memory bank. Of course! Right? But whatever, this made me happy. In fact, every time I see her I have to smile; because after all the makeup and the glamour she will always be the girl who walks into closed elevator doors. 

I'm So Angry I Missed This Skarsgard

Nirvana brings Merry Merry and Bobby Brown Together and Casey Affleck loves breasts

Although I'm no longer in LA, I still have friends who live there. Either they're all about their shit and are truly going to make it, or they're just slumming it up and living their life...kinda what I was doing, but I feel they are a little bit more dedicated since they still live there and I'm here in Chicago just working and L.I.V.I.N (click on the link if you have no idea what I'm talking about).

Anyway, I had to work for the past 8 days for a tired ass pay that's barely getting me by, but I take it. On the ride home from work two days ago, I received a phone call from a dearly missed LA friend. She's my favorite and something like my best friend that always has some sort of crazy story that makes the tired ass pay worth working for. I believe this story to be the best, in fact, she should stop telling me stories because it would ruin this one.

Merry Merry (yeah her name isn't really Merry) was at one of her boyfriend's shows in what's considered the boonies of California's Los Angeles County, The Valley. I'm not sure of the name of this particular place, but since she was in The Valley I'm sure it was something cheesy like The Spot or The Juke Joint. So her boyfriend plays his set and she's waiting for him and the other guy in the band to get their shit together and leave. She's waiting at the bar with another band girlfriend when this guy shows up. Merry Merry would talk to a plant if it approached her, so needless to say she began talking to this guy while the other band girlfriend stared in disbelief.

Clearly engrossed in the conversation, Merry Merry hadn't noticed that the other band girlfriend had left and told their boyfriends what Merry Merry had failed to realize: Merry Merry was talking to Bobby Brown! 

Yes THAT Bobby Brown! Whitney Houston's very own ORIGINAL KING OF R&B...yeah. I'm guessing she finally looked up and saw that it was The King. However, in true LA form she didn't freak out (like I would have) or ask him about his prerogative (or for an autograph), she just pretended that he was a regular dude at a bar.

Then came the WTF moment that nearly killed me: Merry Merry looked down and noticed that The Original King was wearing a pretty original Nirvana t-shirt. Being from Seattle, Merry Merry went into this mini-rant about how Seattle-ites are born and bred to love all things grunge, especially Nirvana. In this scenario, The King was wearing a Nirvana shirt that Merry Merry had never seen before, so she asked him where he got it from. The answer: Kurt Cobain.

Really dude? Really? 

But he didn't stop there, "Yeah, I went to see them in concert and got a chance to go backstage. Kurt had on this t-shit and I asked him could I have it. He just gave it to me."

How awesome is that? I mean really! How awesomely random is that? Merry Merry at some lame ass Valley bar, minding her own business, when Bobby Brown shows up and tells a ridiculous story about that time he stole a shirt from Kurt Cobain!

Want to know what's happened to me since I've been in Chicago? I was sitting at my desk at work when Casey Affleck walks his socially awkward ass past me after my eyes bugged because I clearly recognized him from that one movie. I'm sure I saw him staring at my boobs...Oh goddess I hate Merry Merry!

Yeah, I watched Cherrelle's Unsung on Labor Day

It's funny how I think of this song every time he calls me...

Dah-Roooooollllll

Everlasting obsession: Men with accents!

Just Noticed!!!

Thank you guys so much for sticking in there with me. I have the most amazing fan base! 10,000+ views and counting. 

Spread the word and welcome others into my world.

Thank you so much! I love my Loyal Legion!!!

I’m Back and Beyonce is Pregnant

I’m sorry but I had to leave for a little while. However, I’m back!

I have received your emails and I would like to let you know that nothing has happened. I’ve just been crazy busy!

All this time I’ve been working! Working! Working! Like a crazy person to make things happened and it’s great to finally see everything come together.

I could cry! But I won’t cuz I’m no punk. So instead, I go shopping. And I can’t wait to wear my new boots!!!!!!!!!!

Another part of my happiness is Second City. I finally gathered up the courage to start taking classes at Second City. I’ve always wanted to go, but for some reason I never believed in my ability to write and was content with just working my bullshit job. Then one night I dreamed that I died. Nothing eventful happened in the dream. NO! My ass just died and I hadn’t done anything with my life that I was proud of. The very next day, I started looking at classes. All last minute and shit (typical me), majority of the classes that I wanted to take were filled, but I lucked up and found a class that would accommodate me and my current work schedule.

And of course I can’t go anywhere without finding a man to occupy my thoughts. This one is one of my classmates from my Second City writing class. I like him, but I don’t want to say too much because he might be reading this (he’s officially a part of the loyal legion!!!). However, I will say this, I’m having a lot of fun and it’s nice to be around him. It’s also great not to have to worry about what I’m saying or doing because he is just as silly as I am. It’s nice.

To wrap things up, I want to explain why I named this post I’m back and Beyonce is Pregnant! When I started writing this post, a tribute for Aaliyah was playing on BET. The day that I found out Aaliyah died was the same day I had tickets to go see Destiny’s Child in concert. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to go. It was officially a day of mourning. My idol was gone, but I went anyway. The entire time I was at the concert I thought about how I would have enjoyed watching Aaliyah on stage instead of that hollering Beyonce.

Is it just me or does this girl scream on every fucking song she sings. I swear it seems like if she's not screaming then she's forcing a whoa-whoa-whoaing lyric out. 

With Aaliyah, there was no hollering. She didn't even whoa-whoa-whoa. She simply sang. Then every once in a while she would let out a yeah-eeeee-yeahhhhhhh. Beautiful!

I don't know, but to me it's like Beyonce just does wayyyyyyy too much, yet not enough for me to like her. Don't get me wrong! I will bump a Beyonce song if I think it's hot. However, hot hardly comes and I'm always wondering about if Aaliyah was still alive would she even be relevant? 

Hell no!

photo jacked from Just Jared

Where Do Crushes Go When They Die?

Normally when I stop liking someone they turn into someone that I can't stand. Unfortunately, this isn't the case. Not only do I have to see this person on a daily basis, but we run in the same circle. 

I wish I could just sweep this guy and my "once upon a time" crush up under a rug, but it ain't that easy. He is still really good looking to me and he knows it. However, he's good-looking to me in the same way that Johnny Depp is good-looking, he just is. I feel nothing for him anymore, but...(lol! My iTunes started playing the perfect song to describe my feelings). 

Sorry had a little moment, but I'm back.

Anyway, I feel nothing for him anymore, but he believes I do. He'll say certain things to me or give me certain looks and I'll just want to go run and hide in shame for even thinking this person was someone I thought I wanted to be with. WTF was wrong with me?

In the course of two weeks, I've lost two crushes. One has gracefully moved into the slightly irritating yet still cute guy role, while the other one is the subject of which I write. 

I wish I could go back in time and ask the socially awkward 13 year old Jessica what she did in situations like this, because it's been so long since I gave a damn about a crush gone bad. I simply don't know what to do, because I don't want to bring the bitch out. However, I feel her brewing inside every time he gives me that crazy ass Zoolander look that used to drive me crazy. 

My Favorite Time Of Year

I have been waiting for this day since the beginning of January. I love March! 

First of all, I'm so ready for winter to be over. I'm tired of the snow, the constant use of my former favorite boots, wearing gloves, scarfs, hats...I'm so over it. It's a shame too. I used to love winter, but after 2011's Chicago snow storms from hell, I'm ready for something new.

I'm also looking forward to the little festivities March brings us. In my world Festivities = Shenanigans, and I'm so ready for them.

I believe I save up all of my energy for March, because we have :

• Fat Tuesday
• St. Patrick's Day
• March Madness (GO JAYHAWKS!!!)

I barely go out in fear of not having a good time. These past few months of getting out there and being young has confirmed my fears. I knew Chicago was lame, but damn!

When I first came back from LA, I was having the time of my life. Then I realized it was because I was going out and creating my own fun, and that shit gets kind of exhausting after a while. Why can't fun happen before I enter the party?

March 2011, please don't disappoint.