Thursday, September 15, 2011

Life's Little Funny Moments

I was at work one day when a girl walked past me. I see this girl all the time, but for some reason it was on this day that I decided to really look at her. I noticed that she was a pretty girl, but her face was covered up with so many layers of makeup it was hard to determine if it was really her face I thought was pretty or something she just sort of created. I also noticed that she was tall with a very nice figure. It was obvious that she wanted people to notice her figure by the way she dressed (she actually wears 3in heels to work), and by the way she walked as if she were some kind of modern day Mae West

Any other day I would see this type of behavior as ridiculous, but that day I was jealous. You see, this guy I had a crush on always watched her. In fact, I think it was the highlight of his day to watch her faux-sultry walk and her extensions as they went by. And there I was with little to no makeup and my short shit stance just waiting for him to look my way. Of course I was jealous... it could have been a goat that walked by, I would have been just as jealous of that goat if he looked at it like he looked at her.

It was the end of my shift, so I had to head to the elevator to go home. I waited there at the closed elevator doors for what seemed like forever. Forever got even longer when I heard her foot steps behind me. I looked in her direction and there she was Mae-Westing her ass toward me while texting. This time I noticed she had on sunglasses...inside...sunglasses inside. Ridiculous, but anyway, she sashayed her hips from east to Mae West (PUN!) and played with her hair like there was some kind of invisible wind machine that turned this mediocre situation into some high fashion editorial piece.

Although my crush was now nowhere in sight, I still felt incredibly invisible. How could I compete with someone who mastered the art of walking and texting? Anyone who knows me personally knows that the only thing I could ever do while walking is breathe. I can barely change the music on my iPod without tripping, and if you send me a text while I'm walking you might receive 'OK' as a response regardless of the statement or question being asked.

So what was it about this moment that had to be blogged? Well there I was feeling low when she walked past me. Now let me remind you: I'm standing facing the elevators. Then *BAM* this MTV House of Style reject walks face first into the elevator doors. She flips out. She curses. She looks at me then back to the elevator doors as if we plotted the entire scenario together. With her makeup all smeared she says to me, "Weren't these doors just open?"

I could have died. Never in my 24 years on this Earth could I see that one coming. It was like Christmas, New Years, and my 21st birthday all rolled into one. Simply epic.

How can the fairy collective surprise the sin? There was no one there to witness this moment. I was a little bummed because whenever I trip, fall, or make an ass out of myself there is always someone there to document it and store in their memory bank. Of course! Right? But whatever, this made me happy. In fact, every time I see her I have to smile; because after all the makeup and the glamour she will always be the girl who walks into closed elevator doors.