Man F*ck That Cat!

Live Blogging The Nilla Rilla's Nightline Interview

Alright Alright Alright Alright! Let the live blog posts begin:

1. Damn he thought Sandra Bullock was a bitch, well look at the pot calling the kettle black!
2. Why didn't Sandra just keep telling that mofo no!??? Always follow your first mind.
3. LAWD there goes that yup!
4. I don't know about the rest of the population but I really didn't like Sandra Bullock's Oscar dress...
5. Why does this bish have a tattoo on her forehead? How can he find that sexy?
6. Damn I didn't know 5 women actually slept with this dude...gross
7. LOL! John Krasinski's reaction at The Golden Globes was classic!
8. Why does his voice sound like that?
9. Commercial...
10. EWWWWW Jesse has man boobs
11. Shit now I feel bad...I hate that.
12. Damn now he's crying
13. Okay wait now I'm confused so you wanted to get caught screwing someone else? Is he saying that he instead of continuing the cycle of abuse to his children he continue to did it to himself...I guess I understand now.
14. Why do they keep showing pictures of that inkblot?
15. awwww a baby for christmas
16. Louis James isn't a good name...idunno it doesn't flow to well
17. Yes Ma'am?
18. Why the hell does he keep saying squint? And why does he say it like that?

Alright, so basically that's it. I thought it would be more, but no just a taste of the crazy. You know I have to say, I think I understand James and his reason behind doing what he does, but it doesn't make since to me as to why he would endanger someone else's life with the whole unprotected sex thing. Oh well, I'm just a voyeur in this whole Jesse is a cheater scandal. It's not up to Jesse to prove shit to me. Oh well that made my night. Good night!

The Nilla Rilla Thinks Nazis Are Funny!

Okay maybe in Inglorious Basterds but not after a sex scandal...

Yeah and I totally forgot to set my alarm for this, but I did manage to see the episode of Golden Girls that featured the young George Clooney. I'm not a Clooney stan, but he did look good in that episode. Besides I don't think I'm qualified to be a Clooney stan...I'm not 50+ years old, single, and over 200 lbs. Oh well! What was this post about again? Random...

The Nilla Rilla Says, "Yup!" Part 2

I know I really should be doing something productive with my life, but my fascination with this shiz just won't go away. I'm like a kid in a candy store!

The Nilla Rilla Says, "Yup!"

Alright so I'm assuming that The Nilla Rilla wants people to hear his side of the story, but I must say it's a little too late for that because I made up my mind and he has got to go...I told Sandra and she agreed. But in all seriousness, I had been avoiding this video like the plague. I'm officially over the whole Sandra Bullock is hurt situation, but something kept poking at me and poking at me to watch the clip and man am I glad I watched it. When The Nilla Rilla was asked if he cheated on his wife he responded, "Yup!" Boom! End of interview, right? Nope he goes on and on about being the most hated man in the world (you're not that important...forrealz) then starts the waterworks for pity. I don't know about the rest of the population but I don't feel sorry for him. Can't help it, my blackness won't allow me to feel anything for a Nazi Lovah! However I can say this...I am setting my alarm for this shiz on Tuesday. I have to! I want to know what other whozits and whatzits are going to come out of that pervy mouth of his. And I know I shouldn't admit this (lol! like is anyone really reading?) but I'm a little excited. Thank you Nilla Rilla for giving me something to look forward to next week.

UGH!!!! I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS!

But the Nilla Rilla speaks:

"My whole life has been full of hard decisions. The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart. Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life. I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come once again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves, and realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about. I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together."

 

Jacked from People

WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON???

My morning news usually consists of weather and a little celebrity gossip...but this is everything but little gossip. It's a big f*cking deal! Sandra Bullock is a mom. And no! I'm not talking about she's a mom because of the Nila Rilla and his gang. NO! This chick is a mom as in MOM MOM!

I seriously choked when I saw the above photo. I felt sick, then I realized I don't even know this bitch, so I straightened up my act. However, I couldn't help but think that this was a publicity stunt or The Blind Side part II, until I read the whole article on Dlisted. Sandra and her baby friend have been together since January of 2010. So it was way before her award winnings and the Nila Rilla's well documented flub ups:

"He's just perfect, I can't even describe him any other way," Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. "It's like he's always been a part of our lives."

Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars. Their close friends and family – including James's children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret.

Then, just 10 days after the March 7 Oscars, Bullock and James separated following reports James had cheated. Bullock says she is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent.

A rep for Bullock confirms the star filed legal papers seeking to end her marriage, but declines to specify in what jurisdiction they are filed. Says Bullock of her decision to divorce: "I'm sad and I am scared."

I guess, but she's Sandra freakin’ Bullock!!! Why the hell is she scared? Are there more secrets to come? Oh goodness, I hope not. I don't think my heart can take it.

*edit* I'm sure that hot b*tch Julia Roberts is mad that Sandra and her baby friend are stealing her beauty comeback...seriously People Magazine is still contributing to the insecurities of the world?

NOW THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE!

Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon has snapped! Beauvais-Nilon AKA Fancy from The Jamie Foxx Show, discovered her husband of nine years had been cheating on her with some milk maid from Illinois. So what did she do? According to Page Six, Fancy sent emails to all of her husband's co-workers to let them know that she is in on his little secret.

 

Subject: Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon
What do they have in common . . . I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!

Damn! I guess Fancy started paying close attention to her husband's actions since the Nilla Rilla and Tiga Tiga Woods Ya'll's had to apologize for their now imfamous flub ups.

I don't know about my loyal legion, but this is starting to make me nervous. I mean if Fancy can't have a faithful man then who can? Have you seen this woman? I swear she contributed to my insecurities as a child. I knew I could never be as beautiful and as regal as her, and now this...this has just officially makes her a badass!

the BIRD BIRD BIRD the BIRD is the WORD

I have decided to cut meat out of my diet. Not because I think killing animals is wrong, but because I think them killing me is offensive. I watched this video in class about how majority of all the diseases Americans have stem from animal based product consumption. Yep even fish. Ever heard of mercury poison people?

Well I just gave it all up. At first it was cold turkey, and then I went out and ate a Mickey D snack wrap. I reasoned that since I wasn't keeping my word to myself that I should only kinda cheat. I'm pretty sure Jesse James felt the same way when he told himself that he wasn't really cheating since he was screwing a woman that was half human/half sharpie.

Like I said before, I'm doing this for my health. However, when I say health I'm not talking about losing weight. I could give a damn about losing weight; I just don't want to die prematurely. Cancer, diabetes, cataracts, obesity, arthritis, Parkinson’s disease, chronic migraines, high blood pressure, strokes, and Alzheimer’s all run in my family. I want to make sure that I have a healthy immune system to help me if and when my body gets plagued with one of those harmful alignments.

Today has officially been Day 1 of my vegan mission. I did well until a pizza I had lead me to believe that it was only sauce and crust when in reality the cheese was hidden under the sauce. DAMN YOU HOME RUN INN!

I'm pretty sure Day 2 will be better. I'll make sure I'll keep the loyal legion posted.

Sandra hurry up and divorce this dude already

Jesse James is contaminated with the nasties. GROSS! Why a man would screw something named Skittles is beyond me. I'm sure Skittles is a cute little nickname for scabies, which I'm sure this chick passed on to Jesse after their alleged foursome.

EWW! Right now even thinking of the name Jesse James makes my lady parts want to hide. Who knows what kind of power he has over women that make them want to go after him and change their name to some obscure randomly named object. If I ever fell under the spell of the Nilla Rilla (my name for him) I would probably be named the Choclit Hobbit...for obvious reasons.

But apparently the Nilla Rilla doesn't like my kind. There have been all kinds of reports of this Nilla being a Nazi sympathizer, of which I had to remind this fool that I was 100% sure that Hitler didn't like his ass, but I'm sure he doesn't care. He would rather surf on his swastika covered surf board and bang his tatted up Eva Braun than listen to me. Gross.

But whatever! I'm not the one with the jacked up name and hair line to match, so why do I care? Because I love train wrecks. They are delicious and so much fun to watch. If I could pick another celeb to go through the defamer process it would have be that annoying Kesha. What the f*ck is she? Is she a talker or a singer? I’m sure she was attempting to sing the lyrics to that God awful song, but I’m thinking she forgot them…I’m pretty sure no one wrote boys try to touch my junk. That was an ad lib sent from hell.

To end this post from the ADD section of my brain, I’ll begin with alerting my loyal legion of 1 of the Nilla Rilla’s enrollment into douche grad school, otherwise known as rehab. From my understanding only the douchies of the douches make it to this level and get worldwide recognition for their achievements. Mel Gibson, Rip Torn (goodness), Charlie Sheen, David Do-do head (can’t spell his name and no I don’t care to Google it!), and most recently Tiger Woods have all attended the Ivy Leagues of Douche Academies. I (the public) would like to congradulate (that's how it should be spelled for douches) Jesse James on his dedication on being the first asshole of the decade.

Picture stolen from tmz.com

Don't Ya'll Know Hitler Hated You?

So apparently there is some photo of Jesse James doing some kind of wackass Nazi salute that TMZ is dying to release (According to Crazy Days and Nights). UGH! I don't get it people. What the hell is the deal with all the Nazi shiz? Hitler didn't and wouldn't like your ass, so what's with the salutes?

I'm just sad that this whole Nazi thing is really going to make Sandra Bullock look German. I don't think that she's a racist, but if she is associated with a wannabe Nazi then what does that say about her? The photos were allegedly taken two years ago before the hooch even appeared. If Sandra didn't know her man was a Nazi then what else didn't she know about him? Damn I guess you really don't know a person...EVEN IF YOU LIVE WITH THEM!

This is just too much for me to handle. I tried to stay away from this shit even when I read about his side bitch having Neo-Nazi wet dreams, but this right here brought my curiosity back to life. It's gross! I mean I really felt sorry for Sandra because she had to put up with a lot INCLUDING THAT WACK ASS HAIR LINE! and now this. Ugh! I used to pray that this shit wasn't true, now I just pray for this to be over soon.

Dlisted is playing tricks on me

Just when I thought I had enough:

I now know the universe is against me!

Sandra and Jesse in their halloween costumes. I don't know what the hell she is (a bear?) but Jesse is a White (Vanilla) Gorilla. OMG MOFO!

photo stolen from: dlisted

What an assh*le!

"There's no surprise that my work got better when I met you. Because I never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back."

Sandra Bullock during her Oscar acceptance speech for The Blind Side

I know I shouldn't be getting too much into this but the lump in my throat is making me do it. Apparently Jesse told his skank that his marriage to Sandra was a sham for publicity. I always wondered why he did The Celebrity Apprentice and it turns out he's an attention whore. What a shame, because I now know I cried for nothing. F*cking prick!

And just when I thought it couldn't get worse there are rumors that the ex-wife is behind all of this. According to Ted Casablanca's gossip site: The Awful Truth, Jesse's ex-wife Janine Lindemulder is out for revenge. There was a big custody battle a few months ago with Lindemulder taking shots at Bullock's inability to have biological children, but James stepped right in and told that bish to shut it. Bullock and James now have full custody of Lindemulder's child with James and Lindemulder is understandably bitter about it, but if this is true this is some soap opera shiz. The more I learn about the scandal the dirtier and nastier the allegations get.

I have to take a long hot shower to free myself from all of this unfaithfulness. Hopefully when I'm done I won't care. However, I can't help it. It's stories like this that make me not want to get married. You think you're flying high and then BAM! something like this happens. Then I was thinking, maybe this is why some women and men agree to open relationships. Although I believe now that I could never do anything like this, I might meet someone one day who isn't willing to commit to only me, but we’re in love. I believe now that if someone couldn't be with me and only me then that someone just isn't for me, but when you’re in love you don’t think the same way . Things are cloudy with love and logical thinking is out the window. So opening up my relationship would diminish the need for the sneaky to around and text their side piece that their just think'n about me the day I move out of the house.

It makes you think, maybe Monique was onto something. I don't know if this will be my last post on this celebrity tomfoolery, but I do know that I'm going to sit back and watch it all go down. This is just the beginning, "majority" of the tea has barely been spilled.

The Vanilla Gorilla Breaks His Silence

Although he says that majority of the allegations are untrue and unfound he does admit to some wrong doing, but the damage is done. The couple that I just knew would work are no longer. Sandra quit this bitch and officially moved out of the home she shared with James.

Knowing that he effed up he released this statement:

"There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It's because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way. This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

I never understand why these people release public statements. I (the public) can just settle for a confirmed check yes, no, or maybe answer. It can go something like this: Did Jesse Cheat? with three little boxes and a check in the yes box.

I feel pain for Sandra though. This woman was just on stage a few days ago accepting her Oscar and talking about how much of a good man he is to her and now this. Dude you were crying. Hell you made me cry! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!

And no condoms. I think that's the one thing I have the biggest issue with. I don't believe in casual sex, but if there is ever an instance in which I do engage in such behavior...you better believe I'm making that mofo wear a condom. People are out here going raw like people ain't nasty. Not only did he make Sandra look like a fool but he put her health in danger. That's just so low.

Man I wish I knew Sandra personally. We would have to go looking for that bish. She's German and I'm for the south side, we can do some damage

THE SKANK HAS PROOF!

Just when I was starting to think that she was lying and that there was no truth to this at all, pictures of text message exchanges between her and the vanilla gorilla pop up. And now there are allegations that Sandra actually moved out of the house they shared two days ago. I can tell by the lump in my throat that I'm on the brink of a crying disaster. I just need to be by myself for a moment.

It's Getting Ugly

It looks like the rumor of Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock just might be true. According to People Magazine, Sandra will be a no show at The Blind Side London premiere. Her reason being her absence is due to "unforeseen personal reasons". That is code for: I'm currently beating the shit out of my vanilla gorilla.

I wrote the last post right before I had to go to class, and I was rushing back to a computer to see what was going on. I HOPE this isn't true. It would be kinda heartbreaking to know that you found out your husband was cheating on you while you were filming the movie that you won an Oscar for. I wouldn't be able to look at that thing again. The Oscar is cursed. I mean seriously. Kate Winslet and her dude of 7 years have recently split and she won the Best Actress Oscar last year. That thing is either tainted or selfish and I now know that I don't want one. He only wants the ladies to himself, and is willing to ruin vanilla flavors, smells, and colors in the process. I can't take this anymore. I need a drink.

*correction* the premiere has been canceled. Once again I HOPE this isn't true.

I just can't do this today

Okay so some woman is claiming that Jesse James has been slaying her for 11 months. She is also saying that he told her that he was leaving his wife. Okay...so anyone with half a brain would have known if Jesse James and Sandra Bullock were splitting up. It would have been all over the news and I'm sure the media would have tried to christen her the new Jennifer Chiniston. So I'm pretty sure this woman wants us to believe that she was living under a rock with occasional visits from Jesse James' paynus. I don't know about you, but I'm not buying it. I mean it's Sandra Bullock! Don't you know that Sandra kills people? Oh sure she's America's sweetheart, but the girl is German! Killing silly hoes is in her blood. Don't get it twisted.

I stopped reading the article after I read something about them meeting on FACEBOOK (really!) and  Jesse James being a "Vanilla Gorilla" because of the size of his donkey kong. It made me a little sick and I threw up in my mouth a little. I'll recover but the thought of Sandra Bullock having hot monkey sex is disturbing and will never go away. The mental images just won't stop! Gross...I really hope this isn't true.

*update* I was able to get through the rest of the article and the rumor is the "Vanilla Gorilla" is anti-condoms. I'm officially at a loss of words. I am PRAYING that this isn't true.