Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sandra hurry up and divorce this dude already

Jesse James is contaminated with the nasties. GROSS! Why a man would screw something named Skittles is beyond me. I'm sure Skittles is a cute little nickname for scabies, which I'm sure this chick passed on to Jesse after their alleged foursome.

EWW! Right now even thinking of the name Jesse James makes my lady parts want to hide. Who knows what kind of power he has over women that make them want to go after him and change their name to some obscure randomly named object. If I ever fell under the spell of the Nilla Rilla (my name for him) I would probably be named the Choclit Hobbit...for obvious reasons.

But apparently the Nilla Rilla doesn't like my kind. There have been all kinds of reports of this Nilla being a Nazi sympathizer, of which I had to remind this fool that I was 100% sure that Hitler didn't like his ass, but I'm sure he doesn't care. He would rather surf on his swastika covered surf board and bang his tatted up Eva Braun than listen to me. Gross.

But whatever! I'm not the one with the jacked up name and hair line to match, so why do I care? Because I love train wrecks. They are delicious and so much fun to watch. If I could pick another celeb to go through the defamer process it would have be that annoying Kesha. What the f*ck is she? Is she a talker or a singer? I’m sure she was attempting to sing the lyrics to that God awful song, but I’m thinking she forgot them…I’m pretty sure no one wrote boys try to touch my junk. That was an ad lib sent from hell.

To end this post from the ADD section of my brain, I’ll begin with alerting my loyal legion of 1 of the Nilla Rilla’s enrollment into douche grad school, otherwise known as rehab. From my understanding only the douchies of the douches make it to this level and get worldwide recognition for their achievements. Mel Gibson, Rip Torn (goodness), Charlie Sheen, David Do-do head (can’t spell his name and no I don’t care to Google it!), and most recently Tiger Woods have all attended the Ivy Leagues of Douche Academies. I (the public) would like to congradulate (that's how it should be spelled for douches) Jesse James on his dedication on being the first asshole of the decade.

Picture stolen from