Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Good Luck Chuck!

After damn near two years of being pestered by weird ass Spiderman, being sexually harassed by Zorro (he asked me could he be my baby daddy???), smelling nasty ass Superman's BO and bad breath, laughing my ass off at Iron Man & dirty Barney (he actually saved a bus full of people while I was there), and being stalked by Jack Sparrow #2! The characters on Hollywood Blvd are officially banned. I'm kind of happy about it since these people are by far the most annoying people you encounter in LA. If I had to spend a night with either Jack Sparrow #2 or a speed freak, the speed freak wins every time.

But according to Perez Hilton this is bad news:

Recently, the LAPD has been overwhelmed with a number of complaints from concerned tourists and visitors having been pestered and nagged for tips, after taking pictures with the costumed characters.
According to sources, the L.A. City Council has stepped in and “voted to ban the cartoon character business after receiving scores of complaints.”
The ban has led to 8 arrests over the past weekend and the LAPD says it will continue to enforce this when they "have the resources available."
Hmmm…won't this be putting a lot of characters out of work??
jacked from Perez Hilton and KTLA
When I first got to LA, I would get grunted at by #1 of the two Jack Sparrows on the blvd. It was weird but I never paid it any mind. At the time I was more focused on work. Then came the time I just had to see Kiefer Sutherland receive his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (so random!). On this day this is where I met Jack Sparrow #2 who for some reason thought it would be his mission in life to show up to my job everyday and order this nasty ass dish of soup that I  would have to serve to him while he would whispered sweet ass in my ear just as I was placing the plate on his table. Needless to say I was never flattered and extremely turned off. 

First of all his job was being Jack Sparrow for a living, a fictional character known for his ability to lie his way out of anything, his love of free rum, and he is also know for smelling of hot ass on both his body and breath. Jack Sparrow #2 was some dude that thought about nothing but being Jack Sparrow. He couldn't even read. Me being the nice person that I am, regardless of how I personally felt about this douche, decided to teach him how to read. And do you know what this asshole did? He proceeded to tell me how he wanted to fuck me. I don't know what it was about me that this guy just couldn't understand that I wouldn't fuck him even if he was the last man on earth with a diamond encrusted dick, but he couldn't control himself. I told myself at that very moment that I would never be nice again, especially to some creepy dude living at the pretty woman hotel with a job where he pretends that he is Johnny Depp. 
My experiences with these people weren't all bad. I met Chuck. In fact I was just talking about Chuck last night. He was my boy. To be honest out of all the people that I've met in LA, Chuck is the one I think about most. I wonder how he is doing and if he accomplished the list of goals he told me about. My mother actually met Chuck. She shook her head at my choice of friend but realized he was my buddy and I was happy. 

As far as this new law goes, I'm happy that people won't have to go through the same experience I went through with Jack Sparrow #2. But there is a part of me that feels bad since a lot of people are going to be out of work. That means no bills being paid and more people sleeping on the streets of LA. Hopefully some of those people will get it together and find something that will put them back on their feet, but for now I'm happy for the residents and tourists of LA. 

I watched this movie one night with friends, the hulk seriously breaks your heart: