What Is Beautiful?

According to Psychology Today Black women are the most unattractive women on the planet. When I first read the article, I just laughed it off. I wasn't going to say anything about it. I just brushed it off as one of those dumb things that people say and that it really wouldn't go anywhere. Then I thought, Psychology Today...My cousin (a recent college grad w/ a degree in psychology) reads that magazine. My cousin, an African-American woman, (and did I mention a class of 2011 Bradley University graduate) reads a magazine that promotes the idea that not only are Black women not attractive, but are also significantly less intelligent than other races. 

After letting what I read simmer for a bit, I took my ugly and apparently dumb ass to Google to check out what the standard idea of beauty really is. Upon my research one of the first pictures that popped up and caught my eye was a picture of an African Tribal woman with a plate in her lip. Is that beauty? To some it is, but of course not to Americans. That sort of thing is too foreign and far too complicated for them to understand. Which made me realize that beauty really isn't in the eye of the beholder. It comes down to what is safe, and comfortable to look at. 

My thoughts were confirmed when I took a second look at my Google research and realize that the picture of the African Tribal woman was surrounded by pictures of blond hair/blue eyed women with welcoming smiles. I'm not going to sit here and say that White women or women of other races aren't attractive, because I am not Satoshi Kanzawa (the asshole who wrote the article), and I honestly don't feel that way. Although, I will say what I see as beautiful or attractive will not fit into someone else's definition of beautiful or attractive, because it's only an opinion and not to be taken as fact. Which is why I cannot believe that this once respectful magazine would publish someone's opinions and try to pass them off as fact. 

However, I will point out that I have noticed that this article is a part of the machine that is geared towards making women like me feel bad about themselves. It's moments like this that make me think about my childhood, and those days when I wished I looked like the girl in the magazine or the chick on TV. I didn't look like them but I wanted to. They were so dainty and perfect that there was no way someone like them would ever get called the names I was called. Now here I am, 23 years old, watching folk like Kim Kardashian and Angelina Jolie being praised for things I was tortured for having. 

I really don't understand why Psychology Today would publish something so blatantly offensive. I'm guessing since people say print is dead, this is their desperate attempt to stay alive. I'm sure their antics will work for those who agree with this mindless bullshit. I'm hoping that young women (of any race) don't read this article and take it too seriously. All women are beautiful and smart no matter what the race, and no one needs an article in Psychology Today to tell them that.

Why Can't I Vent?

People are really selfish. I believe the more sensitive the person the more selfish the motherfucker. I don't like too many people, so outside of my family; I don't talk to many people. I have a handful of people who actually know what my voice sounds like, I consider them lucky.

However, that's beside the point...My point is this: Why don't people allow others to vent? And when I talk about others, I'm pretty much talking about myself. WHY CAN'T I VENT?

I swear it seems like every time I want to vent and let off a little steam, someone (and you know who you are) is always there telling me what it is that I shouldn't say, or what I shouldn't do. UGH! Shut up and just listen to me!

I'm talking to you! I don't actually want to do what I'm saying or else I wouldn't be talking about it; I would actually be doing it. 

And let me not yell while I'm venting (oh no no no no no!) because I'll hurts the listeners feelings and they'll ask me why I am yelling at them?

Do you not understand, as the listener, what is required of your role?

Do you not understand the frustration people have doesn't have anything to do with you? 

Why can't you, as the listener, just shut the fuck up? And do your job. Listen.

Stop being so vein! Everything isn't always about you! Cocky motherfucker!

RANT: I really don't like this bitch!

I try my hardest to redirect my energy towards something constructively positive like any other 23 year old, but there is always this little thing in the back of my sub conscience that would love for me to act 15 all over again. Lemme give you an example: This bitch is really getting on my nerves. I have soooo tried my hardest to keep from getting in contact with her and giving her a piece of my mind, but that damn sub conscience keeps poking at me poking at me. 

While in California, I was told something that this individual said about me. I couldn't believe what she said, especially since the last time I got in contact with this individual she acted as if she didn't want to say anything to me. Not only did this person look at me as if I were a piece of shit on the bottom of a run-over shoe, but she deleted me off of facebook, which is the ultimate kiss off  to a friendship.

I thought I was being the bigger person by taking the high road and not ever mentioning this bitches name, but I have finally lost it. Fuck her and fuck it. Fuck Sharron McDaniel. Bitch I hate you and don't you dare try to act dumb with me. Goofy bitch you know what you did, and don't play with me. Keep my fucking name out of your mouth. You have no reason to talk about me or mention my name but you still do it. Do you want me? Sorry I don't swing that way. How about you focus on keeping your legs closed so you won't be thinking about me when the dicks you encounter  do you wrong. All in all get a life you confused little cunt.

WOW! That made me feel 100% better. 

If I don't get the f*ck out of Chicago! RANT

I love my hometown, but being here is seriously driving me crazy. I don't know if any of the Loyal Legion has noticed but Chicago has become increasingly violent over the past 10 years. I moved away from Chicago believing that I was much better than the city and its cohabitants, but after almost two years in LA I realized that I wasn't. I moved back home with hardly a dollar in my pocket and focused on school and work. After a semester at school, I wanted to hang myself. I encountered a professor that was by far the world's worst, and experienced peers that were so closed minded that it makes me fear for my unborn children.

I recently landed a job at a famous department store, and for the most part that experience has been alright. I haven't encountered anyone that would make me want to force feed them common sense via fists, but I am still two months into learning about my co-workers. So far let's just say I like them all, even though one of them is dangerously close to the edge of pissing me off.

So what is the problem? Lack of freedom. When I was a little girl, I thought by the age of 22 I would have been a college grad, with a boyfriend, and my own little love shack...that ain't happening right now. I did have my own place for a while, but moved out when money was tight. Now here I am back in Chicago sharing a house and living in the oddest shaped room in town. I'm happy since there is a roof over my head, but like I said...this is not where I thought I would be. So I want to leave. And I mean seriously leave. I want to pack my bags and just travel the world. I want to be in Paris one day and Sydney the next. Oh Calgon Calgon take me away!

I can't deny that I haven't had fun in Chicago. I love Chicago, like I said it's my hometown...how can I not. But I just know now that Chicago isn't the place for me. Mission get my ass back to LA is in full effect! Day 1.

I DON'T want a shy guy! RANT...

I have had enough of these weak ass men. I have put myself out there way too many times and have ended up empty handed over what? a punk ass man! Enough!!!

I recently asked a guy for his number, something I normally never do. We conversed for a second and then nothing. I'm not really into moving too fast, but damn dude if you weren't into me don't lead me on. I hate that shit! Be real! Do you know how many people I turn down a day? And yes I'm aware that majority of the guys into me are just into me because I have a vagina. But I'm not into them, and I turn them down because of that. I don't agree to take someone's number if I don't fully intend to stay in contact with that person. And even if something goes wrong I just don't cut them off without an explaination. I tell them, look dude it's not going to work out. But this dude, gross. I don't even know if I want to hear back from this guy. And I don't care that it's only been 30 mins from the last text...asshole could have written me back by now.