Damn Dave...That was painful

This commentary is hilarious...

Jehovah's Little Witness is Stalking Me

I have three days of vacation that I have been looking forward to for some time. All I want to do is eat, drink, sleep, and squeeze in some chores before I have to go back to work on Thursday. However, a decision I made over a month ago is starting to threaten my chances of having a most excellent mini-vacation. 

I wish I could have back the moment I answered the door for a Jehovah's Witness with two children under 5 in cute little snow suits. She totally had them there as bait. It had snowed something terrible the previous night and I thought she needed help. LOL! I was so wrong! 

I was on my way to work so she didn't stay to talk to me about whatever, so she handed over a book, a piece of paper with her phone number on it, and told me TO CALL HER IF I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT I READ. 

Needless to say, I didn't read the book, I think I threw it away when I got to work. I also no longer have her phone number...why would I call her? She wants to talk about shit that I have no desire to talk about. While I would rather talk about The Fassbender and his triumphant return to the big screen in Jane Eyre, she  would rather talk about God and other stuff that I could care less about. 

This shouldn't come as a surprise to my loyal legion. I have spoken about my dislike of overzealous religious folk in the past. The ones that push their blind religious views on me and try to call me a heathen just because I would rather believe in things like facts over the Bible. I'm not going to apologize for what I believe. I don't push my views on others, but I find that I'm always being pressured into believing in this tomfoolery. 

In the past few weeks, I lived my life like I normally have, then last week there was a note on my door. It was from the Witness, saying that she hadn't heard from me and wanted to know if I had read the book she gave me.

After reading the note, I thought: wow, that's a little aggressive. I had no intention of reading the book when she gave it to me, but I just had to be the good guy and listen to her unlike my neighbors. I laughed to myself, because this kind of shit always happens to me. Every time I'm nice to a complete stranger, they take advantage of me. It's like this, I've these bitches an inch and they want to run with a fucking mile. It's annoying, but I brushed it off; thinking home girl would get the hint.

Now here it is 2/28/2011, and this chick has shown up at the start of my damn vacation with another note. She's lucky I was asleep and dead to the world when she rang the doorbell, or else she would have gotten it something seriously. The way I have been feeling lately would have allowed me to go full force on her ass. 

Chick...I didn't call you. I'm not going to call you. I don't want to call you. Tell Jehovah that, however I'm pretty sure HE already knows. 

Hopefully by the time she shows up again, I have calmed down. And hopefully, my mini-vacation isn't ruined by this little glitch. 

Chicago Lingo 101: Dude is a CHESTER (Allegedly)

When I was in high school there was this security guard (yes my high school was kinda on the rough side) who would abuse his power and go the extra mile with the female students. For some reason he thought it was okay for him, a security guard, to be playful with the female students. He would laugh and joke with them as if it was normal to know the goings on in a teenage girl's life. One day he took his playfulness a little bit too far when he asked one of his teenage playmates what she was doing that night and if she would like to him at The Pioneer Motel. Well I'm guessing the girl didn't want to join him there because she told her parents, the principal, and the dean about his invitation. The man wasn't fired (why I don't know) he was, I guess, demoted to lunch room security.

He was lunch room security during my last two years of high school. I, along with the rest of my high school's female population, referred to him as Chester Molester. We called him that so much that I'm sure the little nickname stayed with him until he was fired late last year for trying to invite a teenage boy to The Pioneer Motel.

I guess if at first you don't succeed you must try try again...

Where the security guard messed up was that he didn't have the backing of "God" to support his actions. I guess only a true man of "God" can get away with something like statutory rape and molestation. A man like Bishop Eddie Long!

For those of you who don't know who the hell Bishop Eddie Long is, he is a man of "God". He is also a man who is currently being accused of abusing his power as a man of "God" to coercing young men into having sex with him. He is also being accused of using the money he receives from patrons of his New Birth Missionary Baptist Church to pay off his victims to keep their mouths shut.

This is also a "Man of God" who took to his pulpit every Sunday and spoke disapproving words on the private acts of homosexuals. It's always the homophobes who always end up doing the gayest shit. Like posing for photos in the bathroom with a camera phone...

I no longer need proof that there is a God, because when his so-called followers do some shady shit He always ends up showing us just how fucked up they really are. I now know that there is a God and he clearly loves the gays; because this shit right here is heaven sent!

Proof That Religion = Stupidity

I honestly don't like to knock religion but when I see it holding back the impressionable minds of the youth, it makes me sad. Now I don't think I'm the smartest person in the world, but I know good and damn well the things that these children believe in is based off of pure fairytale. I hate it when I hear people saying, “God said..." because God hasn't said shit! The words of The Bible were written by man hundreds of years after the death of Jesus Christ and millions of years after the Earth's creation. People still like to say what Jesus, God, Moses, and his brother said or did as if there were living witnesses to the acts of these so-called "Great Men". It really bugs me.

The below video is about The Evolution of Man. To be honest with you, I don't believe in evolution. I just refuse to believe that my ancestors were chillin hairy in some tree one day and hairless with a dirty martini the next. I believe in science. I believe that one day there was some freak occurrence in the world and then BOOM! There goes life on Earth. I don’t like one theory over the other. I believe it is just as wrong to teach evolution in school as it is religion. In this way the government is telling the youth at the schools that teaching religion is wrong and evolution is 100% fact. However, this is the same government that contradicts itself with the whole separation of church and state rule while it promotes its “In God We Trust” and “One Nation Under God” mottos in times of despair. It is unfair because it is conflicting and confusing to many which is why I’m staying 100% agnostic until I know what is up.

As a person who just doesn’t know, I’m automatically put into the category of atheist. That isn’t fair to me. Someone even told me that I was being “Un-American” because I chose to break away from the Christian faith. With so many religions out there how can you tell me that I’m wrong and you’re right because you believe in the national religion and I don’t? Is it okay for me to call you a fool because I believe you’re participating in a simple pastime that stifles your ability to grow as a person?

I get so many emails whenever I post about religion. I get asked why am I so angry about religion and why am I the way that I am? I am what I am because after following religion my whole life no one was able to answer me when I asked, “why?” There are so many contradictions within The Bible that as a kid at a Catholic school when I asked why it was okay for so and so to kill his son on the behalf of God although Thou shall not kill is one of the Ten Commandments. I was told because when God tells you to do something you do it. Later, years of hearing about people killing this person or that person or that group of people because God told them to do it, I had enough. I’m an adult now so I choose to believe what it is that I want, but I refuse to push my own personal beliefs onto someone who didn’t seek the info.

Instead of good vs. bad people the world has turned into the religious vs. the non religious. I’m not a bad person just a citizen of the world who wants to know why. I sometimes I still feel like that little kid who wonders why, and that’s what I see with the teenagers in the video. They shake their heads and question the evolutionist, which is what they are supposed to do, but then calling him wrong based off of their narrow-minded church teachings and the unwillingness to open up to new ways of thinking is what makes them wrong.

I hope when I have children the world isn’t so caught up in religion. Children with good hearts and great minds is all I wish for.

Todd This is For You!

I learned a long time ago that you honestly cannot win an argument with a religious person, but no matter how much I believe in that I'm still surprised at how clueless the aggressively religious seem to be.

Today in a class discussion on Gay Marriage, being an advocate I had to speak up. I mentioned how I honestly don't believe the government has the right to tell me who I can and cannot married based on my sexual orientation. When trying to express my opinion in class, I kept getting cut off by my professor who is very religious. I noticed her stance on religion at the start of class (January 2010), and I have made it a point to not mention religion since I tend to have different (negative) views when it comes to religion.

Well today, I mentioned the separation between Church and State, and mentioned how majority of the laws in America and the overall moral ideology is based off of religious views and it's not right since not everyone in America practices Christianity. Well that's what I tried to say, but the woman wouldn't let me get it out. She kept cutting me off to the point that I just shut up and let her talk. I wanted her to talk till she was blue in the face. Then she said something that made her stop sounding like one of the teachers in the Peanuts cartoon. She uttered, "I believe that marriage should not be for same sex couples because it should be between a man and a woman, which is the traditional way." I kept a close ear because I knew it was coming. I laughed at the anticipation of it, and straightened my clothes for its idiotic return. She said, “It’s my own personal opinion, but it is written in the Bible and God wrote the Bible. Those are his words, so it's true." At the moment those words left her mouth the entire class erupted. I was glad to see that I wasn't alone in thinking that this woman was an idiot and I laughed a laugh that I could only laugh at that moment.

The entire moaned and grunted in aggravation. She then proceeded to tell us that none of us knew what we were talking about because none of us were Bible experts. She said, “The Bible is the same Bible that has been around for years and nothing has changed except for the different interpretations of the words. Those words are the same words that have been around since the beginning of time and haven’t changed.”

Another eruption.

There were two guys to the left of me (one alone at a table and the other alone by a window), a woman on the left of me sitting at my desk/table, and a woman sitting in front of me. We all raised our hands at the same time, but the guy by the window said, “do you really believe that?” The guy behind me said nothing and looked confused, and the woman in front of me shook her head and laughed. The woman sitting next to me at the desk/table raised her hands and said, “Okay!” and put her head down on the desk/table.

I kept my hand raised, laughed, and heard the woman in front of me whisper, “Historians have proven that as false.”

Then I said, “Yes that’s exactly what I was going to say. History-” I was cut off.

“None of you are professional theologists so you can’t possible tell me that I’m wrong.” And that is when I said, “And neither are you!”

And that is when she got really angry, pointed her finger at me, and said, “Little girl! Let me finish!”

I have never been one to respond well to shouting so I said, “How can you tell me to let you finish when you have cut me off since I started talking?” My question had no response. She said something, but it wasn’t the answer I was seeking so she went ignored. I continued to laugh at her, because she was right and I wasn’t a theologist.

I have noticed when people with some kind of mediocre authority realize that they are dead wrong, they tend to get what little power they have and try to belittle the people they control. She had lost control and the only thing left to do was teach the class. Well, since she couldn’t do that anymore, she told us to be quiet (because we’re 12, LOL!) and read chapter 9 of our books. I didn’t do either, but that was fine since it’s not like we are going to have a test on chapter 9 anyway. The dumb bitch doesn’t even review the chapters, and we don’t have class discussions about them. Majority of our class time is watching youtube videos.

We had about 20 mins left in class, and I wrote this blog post down in my notebook with a shaky hand. I haven’t revealed this before, but when I’m in an intense situation and I’m, trying to keep my composure, I shake. I shake so much that sometimes I start to cry. Today I wasn’t on the verge of tears, because I refused to let that woman see me crack under the pressure my body was putting me under. My brain was yelling at me to go off on that bitch! But my heart told me not to, and when in doubt follow your gut. LOL! Because at that moment it was empty and told me to shut up because going off on her would only make me pass out.

Class ended, and I walked to the head of the dept. to discuss his employee, but he was on the phone. I walked around with two classmates and we discussed the event that had just taken place, when it (the professor...) walked around the corner giving us the stink eye. I wanted to yell something so bad, but my gut said shhhhhhhh! But whatever, I wasn’t going to yell out a profanity or an insult. So I said, as loud as I possibly could, “Man wrote the Bible!” right before I turned the corner.

I know what I did was immature, but it needed to be said. Maybe she didn’t know the creation of the Bible was at the hands of man and not in a spirit that lives in a cloud. Or above them? Hell! I was trying to help her out...But I don’t know I’m not a theologist. I’m a little girl. A little girl that went to Catholic School, grew up in a religious household, and went to church every Sunday. I couldn’t possibly know the Bible. Of course not, I’m just a little girl.